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major changes....

2008-11-12T22:44:00.002+08:00

Loads of things Happened...

Well updates....

yea they tried to retain.. tot of waiting for dec bonus before a chao..
Sadly Economy Crisis has set in...
Unless i do get a better paying job then i will chao.. otherwise.. stay n apply advnce again...
Sux.. But i will survive..
Cuz im a Survivor!!

WeLL Gramps Diagnosed Wif Stage 4 cA..
So Many things happened...
Pretty much confused but he's picking up...
Till the Last Breath we want to keep him Happy..
Seriously... How r u a family if ur not there as family at all...
Seriously they r not even worth..
iF ANYONE DARES SAY ANITHING .. they will get it..

Due to ol this... Abang has a meet the family session..
1st wif mi grandfather while he was still ok then he met the rest of the family..
Anyway he is considered part of the family..
Parents see him as son in law.. Siblings as brother in law..
Everyone telling me to get married fast..
Hahaha wishful thinking... still got long way to go i guess...
Guess wen u reach that certain age... its just a question u can't escape..

The only thing im busy with... work.. meet abang if not gym..

Yes im heading the gym... Glad that i lost weight then fer 3 wks didnt go properly and now im put on 1kg..
God time to cheong in the gym...

Went fer mi sis play.. Well Prataman was funny n yes Highlight fer he show...
2 rounds of it n i cant get enuf...
she should do a serial someday
darn funny
hahahha
hope she one day makes it big in media as a female comedian!!

Morning tmrw... gng to bed soon...

decisions

2008-08-28T20:08:00.001+08:00

Handed in... N they r trying to retain me..
everyone talked and im tired...
ask me to think it over a few days...
haiz....
Stressed..

resign....

2008-08-26T13:22:00.003+08:00

Well it's time to tender...
Guess i'll head to work early and hand in...
Actually want to give today but firstly...
I lazy..
2ndly my printer no ink..
haiz its so irritating... Ink finish don't know how to buy...
gng to buy later..

Yesterday went out wif mi brother n sister..
shop shop..
Bought abang pressie...
He's such a kaypo.. eveything must know..
hope it likes it though..

Today gng to meet indhu..
going church then go to buy stuff i need to get today..
Already wrapped his pressie..

this sat i shall gv it to him..
so that he can use it on his bday..
Sat we gng to club...
yea yeah....
yeah yeah....

sun we went for jci retreat.. mcm club..
haha... hung out at starbucks n luff and tok rubbish...
Well though im scared of whats going to happen next..
I'll face it...

Go anita... I'm sure u can do this...
Cuz i'm a survivor..

A change

2008-08-23T00:48:00.001+08:00

I suck at comp but well... i managed to change mi template finally...
Finally its not hay wire..

Yeay!!! Now im going to bed..
Gd nite!!

run run run

2008-08-22T23:58:00.003+08:00

Running running as fast as i can...
Do u think i"ll make it..
Keep running
Keep holding my hand..
So we don't >> get seperated...

Hahaha...
well well.. went for my 2nd day run with asmah on thurs before my work...
Better than my first time...
I ran fer 1.5km then cant run had to walk n run alteranately...
well i will keep practising..

wanna lose weight..

today i went to meet indhu at bkt batok n chill...
Abang came over n we had dinner n chit chat
then we went indhu's hse for awhile.. chit chat with her mum
then took bus n got home..

i bought lipstick today!!!
pink n a nude colour.. very shimmery..
i olways wear gloss n not lipstick...
well time to learn to wear lipstiack too

i'm so sleepy...

tmrw im going to try n get up n run..
though dunnoe if can...
so sleepy... i rather sleep hehe
well i will try..
hahha

ward sux today..
damn tired..
Fed up wif doctors and patients...

well watever... Life still RoX!!!

After Run...

2008-08-19T20:16:00.002+08:00

Yeay!!! Running...
I went for a run...
K not really a run...
hahahha
1km i run non stop..
after that is ol history..
hehehehe..
well i walk n run...
im trying k..
Thanks to my darling asmah who Brought me to run..
I love you k!!

im not a runner ler..
After the run i msg abng n he kol me...
haha the last time i said i was going fer a run, my mum n bf made fun of me..
so this time run fininsh then tell him hhehe..
Still can tell me wan to train me n make me run 12km..
i will pengsan ... 12km...

then he ask me out fer dinner..
Yeay can't wait to see my pannikutty..
Lup u many many sho many..

Oh well...
Yesterday...

I got a call...
A call from someone i didnt expect..
Someone i was very angry and caused me alot of heartache..
well i was damn shocked he called...
I didnt really know what to say or think..
Just answering whatever he asked..
Seriuosly my mind was racing..
i didn't know why i didn't yell in all the anger i had..
But i didn't yell..
To me i just wanted to know what he wanted or why he suddenly called..
And no he was Not any of my EX guy.. Someone Who i knew and hurt me alot..

Him: So you're attached right
Me: yes i am
Him: Hows Your Relationship?
Me: Great. I'm Happy.
Him: Good. Im happy for you
Me: Thanks.
Him: You're Welcome.

Then the conversation went on about what he's doing and what i'm doin..
then he said : I'm Very Sorry for Whatever i Did to You. I know i hurt you and i regret my mistake.. I have been feeling very guilty bout' it..Ya.. I'm sorry..

When i heard this i really don't know what to say..
I didn't say i forgive him cuz i can't..
I didn't say it's okie cuz it was not..
I was very hurt by him..
I just kept quiet..
what do i say??
Better to say Nothing..
Cuz I can't forgive nor Forget...

Then i did ask if he was attached.
And he said he still single..
He did try But can't really find a proper girl..

Then He said When He met a nice person he didn't appreciate it..
he met alot of others who well didn't turn out all nice..
eventually he said what goes around, comes around...
I just smiled to myself..
Ya it was true..
What goes around comes around..
I guess he learnt his lesson over the year i told him not to call me..

yup its been a year since he talked to me..
I pretty much put it behind me and i don't talk much about it to anyone except aneeta..
Well so the first person i told to was her.. She was shocked..
But well in the end we believe he learned his lesson and he actually called to say sorry..
I respect the fact that he took the intiative and guts to say he's sorry..
Cuz he is not that sort..

Well i Believe In GoD..
Guess She wasn't blind after all..
My Heart does feel lighter though with that sorry...
I won't say i Forgive him.. It's difficult..
But well it helps tp put this bad memory away..

At least He said Sorry Unlike My 1st ex..
Who Hurt me the most...
I wonder..
If he ever felt the pain he caused me..
hmm...

Whatever it is...
With all this unexpected stuff going on..
I'm Still Happy...
N well i should say this often cuz ma sis Doesn't see this olways...

LIFE RAWKS!!! And it still IS!!!

N Now im off to meet my abang go mum mum...
Can't wait to see my HElmet!!!

going runnin

2008-08-19T15:43:00.002+08:00

well the whole day i did nothing but sleep...
basically i just got up...
well asmah kold and well we r going fer a run now...
i hope it doesnt rain..
gtg get change...
wel running here i come....

Shalini i still try n exercise k....
so dun u dare luf at me wen mi go running!!hahhaha
b back after run!

weight!!!

2008-08-18T19:23:00.004+08:00

weight weight go away ..

come again another ... no no dun come again

haiyo im getting fatter n fatter.....

well 3 nites over and on off...

nite was ok...

sadly would hv been more fun if i had mi members to werk wif,,

stay at home do nothing but watch videos..

im in love wif the jabbawockeez

the way the dance n move....

i miss dancing so much

wanna go n dance again

hmmm lets see if i got the time...

mi helmet is ol ready n done..

its at abng's place ..

can't wait to see it

he say he pasted ol the stickers anihow which i doubt he will...

but he did say mine look nicer than his hahahaha

well i was supposed to go running but well its raining..

see even God doesnt want me to exercise..

bad fer health hahaha

Well i miss mi pannikutty..

can's wait to see him... n i got to go get his gift..

i hvn't buy mi besties bday present oso...

mi sis just pointed out...

its been a while since i said Life Rawks...

haha

well it does.. n still does...

cuz i Have ol mi Loved ones..

Same track of life...

2008-08-12T11:35:00.003+08:00

Yeay...........

I dunnoe yeay for what...

basically i feel better...

With things over and done with....

im free as usual again...

but well roster sux, so working again but at least not that bad now as mc has dropped..

work wise going ok ok... living with it...

looking for some place new to venture...

too long .. i think any longer there will be moulds on me haha

Was shoooo happy to see MY LOVE on sunday n hang out together..

Its getting more more difficult to see him... got too many assignments and projects n more tests to top it all..

Guess what!!! i bought mi own helmet and i can't wait to design it...!

After many many years i finally ate the mee hoon goreng i love at haig road..

now i found the place there's going to be more frequent visits haahaha

His bday is coming.... yet to get him his pressie..

Already thought of what to buy... but need to go hunting...

well his birthday is Fasting month so pretty much loads of things need to be thought properly before deciding....

I think i will keep it a simple day... Maybe get friends when we break fast....see how...

Speaking of aLL THIS FASTIN... well hope i survive...

Can't wait for the end of the month.... we going clubbing!!!!!

What have i been doing when i'm free...

pretty much lazing around..

playing my brother's PSP...

I never knew how much time i actually spent wasting on PSP..

So maybe i might get a PSP too in awhile... too waste the too much extra time i have ahaha

I miss dancing n so im thinking of going for dancing classes in CC... With mi sister..

My brother seems a little better... though grumpiness is still alot in him...

Sometimes some things are difficult to forget...

goes the same for me...

witha powerful memory for peoplle and things they say and do...

its hard to forget and forgive at times..

Well I love my family...

The others in family don't realise what they got... Pushing the older around as if they are Humans without any feelings..

If i had a bigger house i would call him to come stay with us..

Haiz... all the things they do and say.. So Hurting..

If i could speak out .. everyone will get it from me..

Why Blame others When You Don't know How to Bring up YOUR KID!!!

They don't know how to do a proper upbringing and they are so clever in putting blame on others when the mistake lies with them...

its ok everybody grow old...

What goes around comes around..

You think your kid will even bother about you in old age??

All these things... unnecesary headache and hurt... Gives my poor mum a headache.

As for me.. I'm sitting out and watching the show...

oh well my brother's home..

going to go play psp again haha

Then to Bring my mum go do her hair...

I love my family.

I love Asmah and Isma.

I love Abang.

I love My Life Cuz I Have All of you loved ones...

LIFE RAWKS!!!

Stranger...

2008-07-29T22:22:00.002+08:00

I feel Like a Stranger...
Like a new Kid in the school...
Alone again
I don't know them anymore...

i Put in Effort..
Not seen Nor appreCiated
Everyone thinking of their selfish gains...
Forgetting of others around...

I feel Used...
Used when they needed me... Pushed when their Done
Even the Joker Could Never Play a Better Joke If he was Around...

Tired... Of Doing everything...
For what? For Who??
For all the people Who Dont Give a shit..
Im through..

Smile N laughters In front Of My Face...
Gossips N remarks The Minute I turn Away..
2 Faced!

Who Are You??
I dont recognise you anymore
Are U the person Who Kold urself Mi friend..
Trust me.. Not Anymore!

Someone i tot had mi back
there with me when i m sad

but no its not...
its not like that....

Things done n said
which just hurt...
right behind my back

Tears i shed...
Pain i felt....

This day i m sad to say i just regret...
u made me feel soo upset...

Hopefully one day i will b healed
The pain i shall no longer feel
the Peace in mind i really miss....
Return to Me quickly please....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End of the Day i feel im better of this way......
LEave me alone...
I will Definitely remember this....
Cuz itz a lesson learned...
A mistake i should never repeat again

Right Now i want just this...
to be alone...

And i thank God at the end of the Day that MI LOVE is still there for me...
Cuz he picked me up when i fell yet again....

I Love You Abng..

i wish i read minds

2008-06-26T23:30:00.003+08:00

I wish i can read minds...

funny ... ppl hu use to kol everyday n chat n luf suddenly very cold..

im not sure y... maybe i think i know or maybe thats not it...
but i will not ask...
pointless..
if there is something they wish to clear they will...
if they prefer that way then so be it...
its just uneasy to pretend thats ol...
i dun pretend n i cant....
to me i say wat i think n if u think there's something ur not happy u come n say it to me or clarify it....
ppl ask y im moody
guess i m just tired of werk....
sick n tired of the place
n the last thing i need is ppl acting like im stranger...
maybe i shld behave that way...
that im stranger...
or maybe i am.....
maybe im just a backup...
i dunnoe.....

its very weird....
makes u feel like crap...
funny.... dunnoe to lu or b angry ... pretty much bothering me...
aniway im leaving thins as it is...
cuz im very tired...
i hv enuf things on mi plate to handle...

i wish this doesn't bother me like it is now....
but u know wat... let it be... a matter of time... im no longer arnd..
everything will be ok...

wakakka

2008-05-22T04:08:00.003+08:00

because ppl nag at me to update here's mi update...
long long time never update...

basically i hv been too busy...
n mi frens noe wat im busy wif...

im damn bored n hv nothing to do..
tmrw on nite n damn i cant fall asleep

there thats mi update..
Headache...
wich i stop thinking...

Cj7

2008-03-23T13:24:00.002+08:00

Yeah!!! Abang bought me CJ7... the doll hekekeke...
and im so the happy...
im sick n still sick....
dun care not well take mc...
thurs fri mc stay home...
sat out
sun home again...
haiz boring la....
i hate being sick....
have to stay home...
Abang at work.. i so wan to follow...
pwease....
haiz i wanna go eat...
next round wen im free i shall update pics...
and im writing a journal n still successful wif it....

Heaven is JaffaR...

~jeffita~

Misses...

2008-01-14T00:29:00.000+08:00

I'm so bored...

What i'm doin online??

uploading pics..

man so may ppl married n getting married..

wow...

Talks of marriage...

thank God i still got long way..

Wedding....

Loads of stuff to do...

Haiz... Well exams is around the corner for my beloved....

n so he shall study2...

man i miss him so much...

2wks not seeing him...

already a few days never see i feel so sad...

well like i always say...

I'm a survivor..

Tmrw ...

I'm going back to surgical!!!

Yeay..

Home alas...

Miss werking wif ol of them...

Goodbye renal!!!

Ortho party is coming up on 26th Jan..

N well reka, joan, juz, nad and me are gonna dance...

haha

for whine up....

can't wait...

so excited...

Can't wait to start practice wif em'

I need to start exercising..

I need to continue swimming...

Ineed to control my food..

I need to learn to be a better person...

I wonder alot..
Guess i think too much...

I keep reflecting at whatever happens...
to teach me to b a better person...
I know i try...
Maybe it's not enough...
Learn from mistakes...
I'm still learning..
Sometimes i feel thAt i'm a person with so much faults...
sometimes i don't understand why i behave the way i do..
And when i start thinking thats when too many nonsense thoughts come into my mind...
I wish i could use a eraser...
to erase ol mi past...

One day i will definately be a Better person..
till then Each day i will learn...

Wats new?? many things...

2007-12-31T01:23:00.001+08:00

Elo......

Well well... Look who's back..

On a very long leave..

So damn happy...

Need not see the stupid ward...

Will Be goin back to work on 8th jan... so till then .... EnjOy!!!

This is me.. In my new specy..

So long since i even wore glasses out of my house...

Now i shall daringly...

Once in awhile...

I Look older with glasses... Wouldn't really like that would I... Hahaz...

Well Abang Likes it... hehe

Wondering who's this beautiful girl hehe

tak malu kan...

hehe... It's me... All dressed to go meet indhu then abang and Hakim( Abng Best Friend)

to go for their friends wedding...

Gosh!!! Look at all the pimples...

haiz..

Someone save me...

Me and indhu.... All dressed... haha

Well the only sad thing...

On this very day Hakim ( My abng's gay partner (grrr...) )

proclaimed me a lusu...

I'm Not mad... I'm just a little crazy....

hahahaha

then the big preparation for mi chalet...

All went ok..

But alot of peeps last minute didn't turn up which was damn irritating cuz i ordered food n well got wasted...

Upset that some close friends didn't turn up and well 1 can even give me a stupid reason...

oh well forget it...

Don't wanna say much... Let them Be..

Glad the rest turned up though...

Well these are some of the many

pics taken in the chalet...

Above are my nyp mates... Man i'm glad they all turned up.. Miss them loads!!!

Too Free... So i hv changed mi cupboard such that i

can see my abng everyday in the morning...

Me and abng...

Our wonderful 3 days in the chalet...

he was so so hardworking... He did all the bbq'ing

Poor baby....

He was so damn tired and yet he cleaned and packed....

i greatly appreciate what he's doing for me....

and he gave me my b'day present and i was soo touched that i cried...

He actually drew mi pic on the comp n frame it for me

it was shooo shweet....

hardwork....

and a mp3...

i cant go aniwer without my hp n music...

my mp3 was spoilt....

and he got me a new one when he needed one himself...

which i was planning to get him for a long time...

so i did get him a MP4 and gave it to him on the eve of X'mas...

i'm glad he liked it....

heee...

he came over my place for xmas...

all shy n quiet hahaha

i cant wait to see my xmas pressie... hehehee

well all my bday pressies my frens gave me are under the x'mas tree...

shall open them when we take the tree down.....

I had been having a good time this leave...

hoping for BETTER year ahead...

I hope everything goes well...

And this happiness stays....

I have been smiling alot and i wAnna keep doing that.....

Cuz it's high time i got this back...

My smiles and happiness...

I Love You Abng!!!!

~JeFFiTa~

Sick...

2007-12-13T01:14:00.000+08:00

I miss mi boyfriend...
mi poor baby is sick...

he is sick...
i so woried him...
hope he get well soon...

ppl in mi life..

2007-12-08T11:00:00.000+08:00

~The PpL In mY lifE~

Its High time I leT the world see who are all the people i talk about...
So here's the introduction to the people in my Life!

This Lady in Pink...
Is my mummy...
A very important women in my life and my up bringing..
Though she nags at me and scolds me, she is one women i love alot...
Queen of Tekka!!
I have no idea what she see's in that place...
haha...

This mad girl who everyone says looks like me is none other than my sister...
Who knows most of whatever happens in my life...
who have seen me shed my tears and seen the worst of me
and been there supportively
But seriously she is worse than a step mother...
She nags worse than my mum..
Someone who is so lovable and a major irritant at times...
Especially when i'm talking to mi bf.
Oh well the 2nd woman in my life who keeps me laughing otherwise we will be arguing over stupid things..
and when we do that the whole house will turn upside down..
The clown in the house..
A Artiste at work...

This cute girl is Asmah..
A very very close friend..
My twin Sister..
No we don't look alike but we always seem to end up in the same problems.. hahaha
and this girl will not turn in any friends meeting or gathering or function unless i turn up..
" you go then i go"
her standard line..
She knows everything and i mean everything ...
My innermost secrets which others don't know..
My trustworthy secret keeper...
Been there During My happy moments and smiled with me...
Sat by me and let me bawl my eyes out when i'm hurt and need to cry..
Always sharing our thoughts and lepak at kopi kachang (Coffee Bean)
remincsing our schooling days..
hmmm... Come to think of it we are together for almost 5 yrs..
We always look each other when we have something important to update or when we have oads to get off out chest..
1 gal who is very dear to me and who always get nagged by me to behave herself..
haha...
I love her so much!!!
Wonder what i will do without her...

This Sweets is my Best Friend!!!
Nur Ismawaty Kadariya...
I have known her since secondary school days..
Same Class..
Known her for almost 9 years...
1 person i trust so much..
Some things i don't tell her , not because i want to hide them from her..
but she is such a soft hearted person who will cry when she hears how much i have been hurt...
The day i saw her cry, I just didn't want to see it again..
Has been with me thick and thin..
Always had mi back and i got hers..
Always given her my shoulders to cry on and mi ears to nag at .. hahaha
Someone who cares so much for me..
Without her... Hmm... It will be different...
I like the fact that she is not like girls nowadays...
A very very decent girl and anyone who hurts her will get it from me..
The best part she stays only a few stops from my house... how convenient hehehe..

This 2 chicks...
Joan and Juzilah..
My ward collegues who i hang out with..
love working with them...
but i miss those days...
Haiz now at renal... Not surgical..
Hope i get to go back and work with them again..

Juzilah (Far right) :
A very bubbly girl..
Love to hear her laugh and talk..
haiyo mix with her until sometimes we all talk like her..
which is so sexy..
But no one can beat Princess Juzilah!!
She is so sexy... Lucky i'm not a guy..
Can't wait for her to Find her Mr. Right...
A Fun person i'm glad i have met..

Reka!!!!
And that's her name...
Mi collegue at surgical...
She is one indian girl so far i get along well with..
maybe for the fact that we both don't really like indians..
haha
my 40 percent Lesbian Partner..
hahahaha...
One girl i'm comfortable talking with in my kiddy voice which not many frens see...
Our ward 64 model..
hehe
has a very nice handwriting, i always admire..
Love to work night shift with her.. we eat loads and talk crap and basically enjoy the shift..
A very sweet person who cares for her friends and a crazy girl to hang out with..
haha..

Joan Christina Hendricks

A collegue who i love working with..

A Friend who i can tell things to when i need a listening ear...

A very understanding person...

But the only problem is when you talk to her she will look all around you but your face..

but thats her la... She is listening but she has the habit of looking all over..

everytime we go home together sure got someone she will disturb one..

haiyo... Fighter cock la this girl..

I see all this i want to laugh..

A very beautiful person whom i admire the courage she have..

cheeky monkey i hang out with..

walking around the reservoir in the name of our so called jogging haha..

I love her hair..

and i love her for being such a good friend at work and off work..

This Lusu is Indhu!!
My non blood related older sister..
My abang's best friend
She is pretty and sexy and a social butterfly..
very easy going, Blends in well with the crowd and even strangers..
Something i can never do... cause i'm too shy..
Known her since poly days..
almost 4 years... around there..
A good person to bring for shopping and shows and club haha
i like her mum's vadai..
simply delicious hee
we do all the weird things and discuss things without the least embarassment..
been there with me on times i needed her help which i do appreciate...
always buying me or choosing earrings for me..
always asking me to try this and that when it comes to dressing..
So if i go shopping with her , i always end up buying what i don't usually buy nor wear and u know what.. it actually looks good on me...
So the Queen Of Shopping..
Can't wait for her to get married..
Feb 10.. wait 10 ryte hehe....
well abang and me will be busy helping her with the wedding..
So exciting.. hehe..

This handsome is none other than mi Prince Charming..

Jaafar..

No need for intro..

I have already done that in my earlier post..

The one guy my family importantly my mum and sister approved of..

The only guy they approved of actually...

The one guy who sends butterflys to my tummy

The one guy who i miss everyday

Who makes me smile

Who teaches me to be a better person..

Who is one guy i listen to.. ( The only one i listen to)

Who shows me love unconditionally..

Who respects women..

And I respect him...

Who nags worse than mi mum and my sister...

But you know what... Its ok.. haha.. He is very cute when he nags..

ahahha

Who will dig the truth out of me even if i don't want to say it out..

It's true.. You need to say out what is in your heart instead of keeping it locked

within.. but I have been doing it for a long time..

Still trying to open up more than keep it to myself..

24/7 always on my mind...

i am proud to say i am a better person...

Happier...

thanks to him..

I love you so much AbanG!!

Heaven is far far away...

But you make me feel as if i'm in heaven....

There's 2 more important man in my life..

Mi clumsy brother and mi Loh So Father..

Had been there when i need em'

haiz...

I miss those days when we all used to hang out together..

Hopefully we do it more often..

Cause I do want to spend more time with all my loved ones..

Catch up on all the things i'm missing out on..

Catch up on life and happiness i have lost..

These are all the people who make me feel so happy wherever iam..
Being there with me wen i meed them the most..
Precious people i never want to lose..
And i thank GOD for Giving me people Who care and stick by me..
Love all of you!!!!!
Muacks!!!

Changes..

2007-12-06T17:18:00.000+08:00

yesterday was mi first nite at renal...

But before goin work i met mi baby!!!!

Haiz i miss him so much!!!!

I was shoo happy wen he asked to mit up..

we went to watch 30 Days of night

stupid sia scary..

then we go mum at Long John .. Ol time fav..

n guess wat...

time to go work.. Damn!!

Act Stab oni

I seriously Have no heart to leave...

Didn't want to...

Dunnoe wen i can see him next..

Poor pannikutty busy wif school and assignment

Wish i could help him..

Haiz i really really miss mi abang ah...

Waah.. Hmmm i Like!

So for mi 1st nyte...

Well it was ok ok...

Except i so fed up wif the MO, he kena scold from me..

Doctors ah.. Sometimes they do all the weirdest things..

Had 1 patient sent for urgent Dialysis n he is on oxygen..

halfway through sending the oxygen finish sia..

Damn!! Waah... i run like mad women pushing the heavy bed to the dialysis centre..

Then at female side got 1 patient collapse.

So sudden so ol of us kancheong sia..

oh well i started the cpr.. n not long later the doctor say no need resuscitate the patient..

I Love ur EyeS!

So sian.. 1st nyte oready like that..

hope mi 2 more nytes in peace...

I slept at 10 plus n woke up proper at 4..

keep having interrupted slp..

guess too tired..

ma legs are killing me...

today the ppl i working wif more f**ked up sia..

haiz...

i hope i survive..

Mi Prince Charming

~Prince JaaFaR~

See this monkey...

Luffing at me..

Ya la put cheese on mi face ryte..

Luff summore la..

I love to see him smile...

I love to see him dance!!

I love to Hear his voice..

I love to hear him nag.. So mcm nenek! hehe

I love to Smell him... Sho nice smell..

I love to just sit n look at the face..

I love everything about him!!

I LoVe HiM!!!

A Lot of times i wonder what life will be like without him

Sometimes i cry at just a thought Of "If" i was to Lose Him

I Don't want to..

How much this man have changed me...

Only Closest can see

Cause' the Pain in Me is Now set free..

I Love You so Much!!

And words Can Never Explain How much You mean to Me..

Life is Just sO different With You Beside Me..

mad hse

2007-12-04T20:41:00.000+08:00

Today ward was a mad house!!!
Busylike crazy....
im so tired...
by the time i handover mi headache was killing me...
damn...
so damn tiring... haiz...
tmrw im gonna be on nyte...
worried...
juz hope i survive... i'm a survivor...

I hope my nytes go well..
ol im looking forward to is mi leave and mi chalet...
can't wait...

N i miss mi abang...
yesterday he came to fetch me... n i tot he was playing wen he said cool..
n there he was ryte outside mi staff room waiting fer mi..
shooo sweet...
hehehe
man was i happy to see mi chellakutty..
rombe rombe happy teriyuma!!!!'
hehe..
he follow me go faceshop the we go watch hitman...
then we go mum mum...
n i got no heart to go home...
i was tired.
i'm not feeling well..
i working morning the next day...
but as long as i see him n be wif him i feel so happy.. n ol the sickness fly away hehe

Abang the secret of my happiness...
i'm awaiting the day..
the day i can wake up to see his face n sleep looking at his face...
though i saw him yesterday i just miss him so much...
haiz how i wished he stayed next door...

haiz its ok... like he olways says... have to be patient....
Be patient... and 1 fine day u will recieve...
ala..... long way to go...

i think ah i wan to enlarge his picture n put near mi bed..
hmmm.. this sounds good...

ehehehe...
ya.... mad...
crazy in love...

Never thought love could be so sweet...

sick....

2007-12-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

Its funny....

The worls is definately a scary place...

If u sit n think.. watch the news...
u will realise...
it's a scary place...
Things happen....

I am still shocked over something...
Cried for a whole day...
It has been a long time since i cried like that...
Cuz mostly smiles were spread on mi face because of love i have...

all i can say is i will b more alert..
wat happen makes me more aware n yes scared... still.. esp crowded place..
when i see too many ppl i get worried..
but when i cried everyone close beside me whol love n care for me feel very sad...
mi family stood supportive right by me..
mi brother n sister tryying to make me laugh...

My boyfren, he feels so helpless...
seriously.. there's nothing much he can do but just b there with me..
cuz he was not there with me durng the incident...
if he was i dun think anything ould have happened...

But he was there talking to me till i stopped crying..
cared for me..
worried for me..
n i feel sad that because of me he got so worried n upset...
ol i can say is i tell myself to stop thinking bout it n b happy n talk as per normal cuz i cant see mi boyfren feeling sad. and i know he was...
today i was much better than yesterday...
i talk as per normal...
each time i get reminded i think of mi bf n loved ones...

I promised to be a strong girl n take care of miself...
and so i shall..
not for me but for him...
cuz i love him.... so much...

Its ok... God is watching watever happens n 1 fine day he will definitely punish ppl like them...
All i want is to b happy n see my bf happy...
the reason for my smiles must not b sad
Cuz if he is sad or cries, so will I...

I wonder what i will do without him or my fren asmah hu was there n let mi sit n cry mi heart out..
I love You asmah... Mi twin...
I love mi abang.. Jaafar..
I Love mi mum, brother, sister n mi dad....
I Love Joan.....
At the end of the day these ppl who are part of my life show me love ... to keep moving on ahead...

So Much LOVE....
in this love i swim in... the tears will not last long..
they are juz momentary...

Work....

2007-11-29T23:13:00.000+08:00

today sho sho busy...
n mi throat is killing mi n mi coughs are coming weneva mi patients are nearby
n well renal patients are very particular bout their condition ... they dun like sick ppl get near them...
bz bz... i kept running up n down to fetch n send patient...
charts... i had to make sure their updated properly or the nite staff will come n spit sarcasm at me... like they are so perfect...
grrrr
too bad mi charts were done nicely.....
the nite junior got the cheek to ask... if i updated the charts... i juz told her 2 go n cek cuz im done updating...
throat hurts...
mi abng kept nagging at mi to drink water... seriously no time..
i oni drank water wen he told mi to hehe
n wen i finally went fer break cuz mi gastric was killing mi...
n so well i finished on time..

n i miss mi abang!!!
tmrw morning shift.. haiz lazy wake up...
tmrw im gonna mit mi darling nyp gals...
can't wait...

good nyte!!!

surprises...

2007-11-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

well well today im back to work after 1 week of enjoyin mi leave from work...
No heart to go back to work...
haiz...

1 week...
wat was i up to..

tues:
i wen out wif asmah to go shop fer her fiance birthday pressies
but well it was unfruitful cuz firstly he has everything n is a very fussy guy so there is really nuthing much we can get...
so we ended up buying him undies haha...
n i got nagged by her fer not saving enuf money n that i better start saving money fer mi wedding...
that is like i think still got 4 or 5 years more...
long long way to go la....
oh well i will start next year though...
n well i was having a roller coaster mood swing... prActically cuz i missed mi bf so so much... it was so damn long i actually seen n spent time with him..

wed:
went to sgh to hand in mi advanced dip thingy then went to city hall to give an interview fer mi sis fren hu nids to do an article on death....
then went to bedok library n borrowed books...
haha long time since i read... n i love reading...
then i went to mit asmah at cgh n we went tmp n continued looking fer the pressies...
then grace kold up n met us at tmp...
after some quick shopping we sat at our usual spot...
kopi kachang!!
coffee bean.... n yacked away...
i missed mi bf so so much i was so damn sad... n i started toking to mi bear..
the bear mi bf gv mi...
the next thing i knew.... i saw a bike enter at century square wearing his superman helmet...
my abang!!!!
hahaha man was i so happy to see him...
he found out were i was from asmah n came by...
really happy... i missed him like crazy..
after that mi n abng go mum mum n home..

thurs...
i went out wif mi ward 64 gals...
joan, juzilah, reka, nadiana, seh..
we went to watch enchanted...
a beautiful movie...
n i miss my baby yet again...
then shuting joined us n we went fer dinner at tong seng street
then we walked ol the way to clarke quay n got ourselves ice cream n sat there yacking away...
then we headed home...
i enjoyed mi day wif the gals..

fri:
well well i was home the whole day...
till nite wen i felt like kolin indhu to chit chat...
the next thing this monkey asked mi out n so we went sumwer i missed going...
clubbing!!!
haha... the one reason i enjoy club is for the loud music wer i can dance away... n it really has been sometime since i went...
i good gal mah..
ahhahaha
we went dxo then jeans...
we then go mum mum n home at 4 plus ...
but clubbing was not that fun cuz i my mind was only on mi bf hu i miss so much..
i miss spending time wif him..

sat:
well sat was karthikae...
wer by they light little lamps...
so i got up in the morning n went to mit indhu to watc thondan.
a epic play...
it was wonderful n well i cried...
damn sad..
then we went shoby gaut to get a present fer a bday she mids to attend n headed back to her home...
2 hungry monkeys ( indhu n me) got there n whacked ol the vegetarian food...
marvellous.. there's nuthing like home cooked food n vadai i hv been craving for...

well after a splendid dinner i had to do work...
light the lamps that is...
it was sho beautiful..
i did it last year n im doin it again this year...
after which i went home to knock off..
and i went to bed sadly yat missing mi baby boy agaiin...

Sun:
i was still so sleepy headed cuz i nvr really slept properly in the week...
mi abng kold mi n finally we were goin to go out n spend real time together...
seriously.. i tot he was not going to mit mi..
i was shocked that we were goin to mit..
n so we met at orchard n went to eat at pizzahut...
we were so so full..
then we headed to yishun to catch a movie
vel..
surya was drop dead gorgeous hehe...
the movie was good..
then we headed to pasir ris n lepak till late...
then well i got hungry again...
the entire week i was not hungry n ate only 1 meal a day or no meal...
n wen i see him i soo happy n so mayb mi tummy were working again...
haha
we went to makan n then he send me home...
i know he is very tired... n he made the effort to mit mi though he is tired...
oh well we missed each other so much...
oh did i mention he got mi a mango top
sho sweet!!!
i like
thank you abang!!!

Mon:
I met joan, juzilah n reka....
first i met juz n reka n went fer breakfact at vivo kfc.. then joan met us n we took a cable car ride to sentosa...
the weather was so nice til the clouds turned so damn dark.. it was gonna rain..
but no reka the monkey wanted to sit in the sand b still swim
well we ol wanted too but i was gonna rain...
well we followed the smartie pants idea ... the it rained...
we went to a nearby shade n set our bags down n guess wat... the rain was freaking heavy!!!
we got wet n were so damn cold... we sat there hugging each other...
eventually we gave up waiting fer the rain to stop cuz we were so damn hungry...
so we went to get olwashed up n changed n then we went to eat...
the food was wonderful...
after that we walked awhile n headed to vivo wer i left the gals to mi abang..
we went to beach road to hv his army uniform fer sewing... then we go drink teh tarik!!!
wer we were toking away...
then we went to indhu'slace to get his dvd n we sat to eat...
man i was so full...
n then head home

tues.:
i was home sleepin the entire day...
finally i was bout to bathe in the evening wen mi abang kold...
suddenly he told mi he is gonna mit mi n i din expect it...
i do miss him so much.. but i know he had stuff to do..
oh well he postponed it n came to it mi..
we went fer dinner at simei cuz we were lost n couldn't find simpang bedok...
in the end i juz started craving fer long john's instead...
haha..
we ate n toked n sat looking at each other...
so much i miss him... everyday i wish i could see him...
then its time to go home...
he was so tired he fell aslp toking on the fon wif mi...
i wish i ride... so that he dun send mi home ol the time n instead i can send him home..
n well the day will come...

haiz so thats mi leave...
awful long entry,,
hu cares...
i love mi life cuz mi boyfren JaaFar gave me a meaning fer mi life...
I love u baby!!!!

say welcome to me,...

2007-11-27T16:59:00.000+08:00

Abang n me..

Yesh i m blogging after sho long...

very very busy women...

was doing alot of nonsense stuff...

got into unnecessary problems n now i m goin back to old ways to stay clear frm the indian clan...

let mi plubicize...

i HAVe a lovely dearest bf!!!!

he is Jaafar..

indian muslim..

i noe..
olways said i will nvr get married to a muslim....

n wen i noe im in love i told miself not to think... not to encourage... don't...

but mi heart gave way...

couple dating, wif mi abang n mi fwen indhu n her fiance kugan... long time i hv not done that..

n well well...

on that nyte after everything...

i onli told indhu 1 thing...

if only he was a indian....

n i really felt so sad he's a muslim n i fer the first time.. saw him not as a normal fren... but a person i actually would want to be with...

a good character hu olways respected woman n looked after them..

the one thing that i 1st actually noticed...

istead of the guy hu olways got bullied n will nvr say a word... n even if he did sadly... he lost hahaha

now the other way round...

olways i lose out...

The more i tok with him the more i'm falling for him...

the more i think being with a muslim is k..

the more i wan to b wif him..

i was smiling so much n i was feeling happy n feeling... the way i used to love wen i had a first love...

which i tot i could never find back

a feelin i cant describe.. a feelin i found again n it is so good...

to b able to love the way i used to....

knowing him fer a yr plus i nvr was worried of being wif him cuz well, i do know some things bout him n he's character..

at vivo city wif indhu i said if only he was a indian , i wan to be wif him

n now.. indian or muslim ... i love him n i will do wat it takes to be wif him...

07.10.2007

The day, confessions of feelings and the result..

we are together...

everday i nvr get tired of saying how much i love him...

so much i will miss him

olways waiting to see him..

N i will olways hold u dearly to mi heart n me...

I never get tired of looking at his face...

oh well...

so there...

and well i know this time wat i do want...

I believe in telling mi parents of mi relationship if i think he is the one

i nvr did tell them of mi previous relationships.. fer that reason

i believe i know what i want

so well mi parents n the rest of mi family all know im attached with him...

n I'm glad history didn't repeat itself n they accept him..

I'm Happy..

For Finally Being With A Person I can't Stop Loving..

Love You So mUch!!

Everyday I wake up thinking of You..

N go to Bed Wif u in My Mind..

Olways the gila 1..

haha

gila over wat...

Over mi Love

And everyday which pass i Hope that 1 day, in Years to come...

I have a baby Juz like this Baby...

n the list goes on...

2007-09-25T23:32:00.000+08:00

List haha...
mi frens will noe wat i mean...
so damn happy..
just completed 3 nytes..
was like hell!!!

1st nyte damn busy
aftr that i went out n got home at almost 3
slept fer 3 hrs n had to go work again
darn sleepy..
2nd nyte was ok but sleepy...
then i got home n din slp..
mi fren veronica came over n ate at mi hme n we were toking loads of stuff...
man i miss those times wen we were alone n were tooking loads os stuff..
i olways loved her but well we fought over nonsense stuff..
thats frens
n so i din slp at ol n went to werk...
man i was a zombie..
everthing was slow motion sia..
at a point of time i was walking sideways n cant open mi eyes... haha
mi collegue helped mi to walk straight..
haha
the i knocked out...
in the bus n was walking like a drunk woman back home..
i barely can open ma eyes...
then i knocked out n slept
rechargin mi batt hahaha
so well nvr do nite shifts without slp..

mi frn said im much more happier at werk than before..
glad that i am n ppl noticed..
i hv to learn that among ol the sorrows i must smile instead of sit n cry..
some ppl think im not bothered of their feelings n then im living in own world n that im becoming worse n stuff..
mayb at times ya...
but i spend times wif mi frens n do ol this to forget n de stress....
alot of things in mind i dun say out
but better left unsaid..
ppl will not understand...
sometimes i miself dunnoe y everything is happening that way n y im doin wat im doin...
ppl think im sittin n enjoying miself wen i was juz busy crying mi eyes out...
ol i can say dun judge wen u dunnoe...
cuz the ppl hu know me n see mi everyday will know the difference....

im a survivor..
i will b happy..
as much as i hate ward ryte now i will love mi work
i will try
n i will not cry...

smile....
u nvr know hu's day u hv made wif that 1 smile...

~rebbie~

yet another chpt to b closed...

2007-09-21T13:37:00.000+08:00

So many things happening...
things i nvr expect..
shocking n scary...
can't believe wats happening...
not sure wat to do
wat path to take..
juz moving on day to day...

i wonder alot of things...
y things r the way they are
decisions i make
ryte or wrong...
ppl i mit...
good or bad...

its ol haywire..
y m i kidding miself..

i tink its time fer chocies..
to help mi relax n decide mi next move in the game called Life.
~rebbie~

SivAGAME

2007-09-15T00:09:00.000+08:00

The play was wonderful!!!
Superb...
history relived....
the dance n play was excellent....
but the price of mi goin hungry hahha
now waiting fer mi cup noodle to b ready...
Healthy diet huh...
hhaha
Glad to see niron after so long... mi counsellor n motivator
hu is forever busy...
he n his slang... haha
had a gd day...
but a shit day at werk...
damn busy...
had to pass things feel bad...
man im tired...
thank god 2 days off...
i shall enjoy ma weekends
n no one shall spoil it
Smile....

~rebbie~

y can't ppl b nice??

2007-09-13T22:49:00.000+08:00

its so damn sickening
EOT staff r irritating!!!
they r so damn rude!!!
i tok so nicely n they go yelling away...
sometimes b nice oso no point
cuz get shit back
haiyo b nurse macam living hell at times
but well mi patients were nice n sweet
mostly...
so well thats important ryte
patients...

was yacking away wif sarah n veronica...
bout life n men being a bum
hmm....
well lets see if wat sarah say will come true...
If Ees will kol mi a week later....
here again u b ol nice n tok properly n listen to ppl
they do nonsense...

well patience is virtue
i shall stay being nice n smiley n happy
hopefully it doesn't die down..
haha
tmrw im morning shift ol alone...
hope i survive!
im gonna watch a play tmrw wif ma counsellor hu's mi pri schl fren hehe
mi pillar of strength wen i was heading to depression...
shall updat bout the play...
it better b good
cuz i hv to sit n freeze mi ass fer 3 hrs...

nytes
light out
~rebbie~

im back!!!!

2007-09-13T00:03:00.000+08:00

argh!!!! i can blog again!!!
THKS TO MI DEAREST SISTER... I LOVE YOU LOADS!!
finally!!
wahha
well well...
wats new
im single
so many things happened...
got depressed n now picking miself up again...

u noe....
life is something wonderful
a gift to us
but sometimes well alot of times we take it as a pain n live in the pain
remembering ol the hurts we went thru n not olways remembering the smiles we had
fer gals hu r heartbroken....
dun let a man bring u down..
u know y
cuz we dun deserve this..
everyday is a new day n we must b happy WIF wat we hv..
cuz wen we lose them one day
it's too late... no point regretting then

kumar is goin aussie...
soon... I'll Miss You
a man hu was there wif mi n tolerated ol mi nonsense...
but sadly i cant gv much...
guess i dun reali noe wat i wan animore...
doin things just in a rush
but ryte now
thinkin thru things alot..
well im not saying i regret mi decisions...
well 1 decision ... yes...
Nvr trust any1 easily...
cuz there r many vultures waiting fer meat...
n 1 day...
these ppl hu hurt mi..
will feel the pain i was caused...
cause the pain inflicted.. still brings tears to mi eyes...
but everyday i tell miself..
Smile cause the ppl hu hurt dun gv a shit n no point holdin on to the pain...
put em at the back of ur heart n smile n olways b happy...
If not for urself... fer the ppl Hu LOVE You

Fer the ppl i love...
its fer them...
they will b hurt seeing mi in mi depressed state...
n i hate they way i was wen i was down...
as much as mi life is fucked up...
i will fight this fer happiness...
N daily u will see a smile on mi face...

~rebecca~

bad timing

2007-01-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

Some ppl say will kol mi at 10.40 but call mi at 11.08...
nvm...
they forgot how to see the time...

Im in Neuro icu attachment ryte now..
Boring n hv loads of ceklist to do...
grrr...
God Knows how im gonna finish them...

frens busy...
mi fren asmah - someone v close n dear to mi.. werking at cgh n will be coming over to sgh fer a dm talk
we were supposed to mit n in the end i hv no choice but to go fer dance practice cuz im performing on the 4th n there won't b any practice besides wednesday..
N so mi dear fren is angry but i realli no energy layang her la..
So she sarcastic i sarcastic bck la..

i got too many other things on mi mind..
haiz...

Xmas!!!

2006-12-24T10:31:00.000+08:00

Once again the season of giving is here..
Xmas!!! a festival i love to celebrate...
Presents hhaha... Not because of that... but yea... the tree the weather frens n family visiting..
eating , yacking..
a joyful season i love to celebrate...

Oh well im on leave n hv been very busy since then...
running many places....
Did alot of shopping...
n I mean alot...
n i hvn finished...
Still got 4 more...
haiz...
Monday:
baked cookies ... not much la...
evryone eat rice after that too full to eat cookies..
Tuesday:
Did Murukku..
I went fer a dinner wif mi dance mates...
after tat spent a gr8 time dancing somewer...
Vodka... haha n drunk...
Still steady ah..
Wednesday:
Went to do xmas shopping...
this yr make things easier...
i just wrap the presents n let ppl pick la...
make mi life easier...
too many ppl coming so juz buy la...
Sorry Boys no presents...
Except for some ppl...
U will know hu u r wen u recieve...
Thursday:
Met grace n asmah...
We were supposed to do xmas shopping ..
but most o fthe time wasted as usual...
toking, crapping...
not fruitfu shopping...
Friday:
I went to mit indhu n we went to watch Kugan's drama....
it was reali nice...
a club scene...
He was acting as a pimp.. Haha..
Had a really gr8 time...
Saturday:
Mi Bday!!!
hehe... but did nothing special..
The !st person to wish me was indhu hehe... She sang mi bday song in slow motion...
funny...
After that was Hubby...
The most touching was from Ahmad!! His sms very touching... Really.... So well i saved it n i Got him a Xmas gift haha.. At first i tot dun buy... Oh well...
Wat to do... Iwas so touched...
Even mi bf oso never wish mi like that...
Aniway i went to tekka wif ma mum n help buy groceries..
Then got home changed n went tmp wif mi brudder to finish shopping
Fruiful Shoppin...
Bought the stuffs i need in a short time...
N so did mi money fly in a short time... haha Oh well Season of giving...
Then after that i went to mi Cousins Hse n pick mi niece up to mi hse...
Man i MIss mi 2 nieces n nephew...
They hv become rounder... Except mi nephew... still skinny n notti..
Aniway fetched mi niece to ma hse n she n mi bro put up the tree while i wrap the presents...
The tree looks beautiful...
Mayb cuz a kid was part of it ...
Went to bed at 2..
Today:
Woke up early... suppose to go temple but din..
Nid to go mi aunt hse pass some stuffs... then go to hubby hse...
then i dunnoe wat we're doing..
He kip saying he did something n its so romantic n i may cry...Dunnoe wat he's up to..
Ask him anithing he say watch porn if not sell drugs... haiz...
I dunnoe wat to wear la... So irritating...
K gtg ... shall update u guys if cried over his romantic stuff...
hehe

Merry Xmas!!!
N
Happy New Year!!

**cheeRs**
~nita~

MIA

2006-12-18T19:52:00.000+08:00

Long time no update...
Very the busy wif werk la... not time to update..
oh well works the same..
Bonus is in!!!
wahhahaha..
Happy only..

Ahmad treated mi n hubby the other day...
MMM... yummy..
we go makan at pasir panjang n it was raining..

after that mad n nad went vivo city to go buy willy wonker chocolate ...
seems it was yummy then they buy fer both of us...
ahmad dun eat mi choccie!!
Wating to eat...

After that we went to city hall makansutra n eat loads of stuff... i couldn't finish...
haha
as usual...
after that we went walkathoning..
n i was sweating like shit..
good workout though hahaha

oh n by the way..
im on leave!!!
Wahaha but i hv to stay home to bake cookies , clean up the hse buy xmas present... shop fer mi brother, father n sista... n miself...
haiz alot of shoppin to do la...
Waiting to go shopping la...
aniways gotta go shop ryte now... n i hv baked 2 cookies today..
to be continued tmrw...

Chao

i wanna club...

2006-12-10T23:08:00.000+08:00

Clubbing..
i miss...
the last time i went was the first time very relak...
juz drink vodka n sit down n watch ppl sing.. dance fer a short while n even then macam cant dance...
2 gals should not club alone la...

aniways.....
i met mi darling girls..
mi n jas met up first
we were walking arnd n window shopping n then follow up by gracie n we went to swensens n ate ice cream... this chocolate crumble... nice sia...
its in a saucepan.. wif hot caramel... crumble pie sweet n nice wif cold ice cream..
shiok sia..
yummy....
then patricia came along...
we eat n yack n yack...
on that day mi n hubby had a very big fight...
he was not in a good mood...
he wanted to mit mi n so in the end i juz got fed up n left mi frens to mit him...
that oso show ma face n take train...
i oso very pissed off...
i met ma frens almost a year later... cuz jas actually notes ol this down...
n we finalised that we definitely hv to try n mit at least every 6 months...

work was aa usual...
smooth going...
woke up late to werk that day hahaha...
take cab...
macam very rich..

That day ahmad,nad, lina farwan azlindah kumar n mi go makan..
ahmad belanja!!! finally seh..
if know he treat i would hv taken something more expensive
haha
we go makan at beach road..
fun sia...
toking cok n laughing..
time really flys...
gonna b one yr since i know hubby n his doverites gang...
u know... though i condemn dover so much cuz theres no shop n stuff i do miss goin to that place if i hvn been there fer a long time.. esp wen i nvr see the rest... so long nvr sit wif ol the dover members...
haiz...
ryte now hubby busy doing something fer mi bday...
so he tell mi not to disturb him haiz...

next week sat planning to go bumble bee...
ol those on favour say I...
aniway will go onli if good response if not i won't go la...
the next day werking sia.
k la i gonna go slp la... tired of werking hard
mi legs killing mi..

tmrw still wanna go out..
miss ma frens..
miss mi dance
miss indhu the panthu...
miss angels..
miss dancing like siaow
miss club..
miss ma nice patients..
miss schooling..
miss studying..
miss free time..
miss ma family time..
miss ma best fren..
miss hubby..

Good nyte

home...

2006-12-04T17:54:00.000+08:00

today morning i went to mit ma best fwen near her hse to chit chat fer awhile ... then i came bak to bedok n met mam mum follow her go shop shop... bought HER WORLD
dunnoe fer wat.. haha aniway i saw something i like n im gonna buy it..
eyeshadows again hehe... like to collect them hehe

Came back home n im sitting wif cramps.... grrrr man it hurts..
chatting wif hubby on the fon n hey Viky speaks chinese hehe.. nice to noe..
n im being a good gal n staying at home... gonna watch vcd..
robin hood n Little man...

after i watch oready i gv ma review..
fer now im gonna bathe n go shop first to get stuff n come home watch cd...

this pic was taken last year wen we met quite some time after we started werking..
n i miss these gal...
frm left : patricia, Vivian , Jasmine , mi n Grace..
im gonna mit mi darling gals this thurs 5.30pm at bugis...
miss them...
can't wait to see them...

~nita~

restless...

2006-11-29T16:10:00.001+08:00

I feel sad...
i dunnoe y i kip getting irritated...
maybe wen plans dun stick the same way n wen ppl kip changing plans... ya i got irritated..
he oso irritated n so m i...
laughin at mi wen i cried...
fer ur info that was not the reason i cried fer..
i was juz irritated.. nvm not ur fault...

im still goin out today...
but dun reali noe wat im gonna do after everyting..
hang arnd somewer...
argh...

mi fren mrng shift tmrw summore..
i feel lost sometimes... like a gal lost her way.. wen ppl dun understand u... n they think they do...
its times like these i wanna b left alone n not b asked fer explanations..

mi plan fer today..
i really dunnoe..
guess i'll try to hv fun...

feel like crap... wan to go slp fer awhile..

oh well hopefully wen i cut ma hair... mi head feels lighter...

chao

COMPETITION

2006-11-16T23:39:00.000+08:00

FIRST comes first...
mi group is having competitions...
alot of other groups coming up
mi group coordination sucks...
so proud ah... but its the truth..
haiz... i wish it changes... still wish...
sometime i think it can never make it...
so irritated...
aniway mi n mi frens goin fer a dance competiton...
dancing is mi passion
n its been so long i hv gone fer competition..
its now or never...
i hope the best...
this is fer miself ...

and yesterday i went fer this 5C's course... 8.30 to 5.30
had loads of fun....
laughing n enjoying n learning...
it really made mi reflect back on how i behave n hv treated some of mi patients... though i was irritated wif them...
but i think i could hv been more patient n tactful...

Joan has found a bf!!!
really happy fer her...
i really hope he is the one...
it's so long she had a bf...

Juzilah still waiting fer the rite one..
Abang Sahar.... do u love her...
she is really a cute n sweet gal wif a really good heart...
everytime she giggles she makes an even angry person relax...
she may b big in size..
but she has a bigger heart..
i really wish she finds someone... i dunnoe how to matchmake her la...

n looks like another fren of mine is oso getting on well wif her new found frenship..

while at the other end singles are enjoyin themselves...
i do admit single life is really happening n u r free n happy..
miss those days...
not that i ahte it now..
i am still happy

khin broke up wif her 4 yrs bf because of distance ... she is a myanmar nurse werking in sinagpore... n her family are against this relationship...
fer very long she tried n she tinks this relationship will not workout...
n this is her first love....
so poor thing la she...
n she says she dun want another man in her life either...
cuz she says she will not b able to find a man like him again..
she wants to remain single n die thinkin of him...
its not a movie but real life...
she is nice n deserves tis... but...
haiz.. fate...
doesn't olways turn out the way we want...
thinkin that ur first love will last...
i noe wat it feels like..
cuz mine din...

aneeta... pca in mi ward oso single n happier now...
her's is different...
she loved the guy , he loves her to...
but he is not oni protective but he doesn't think before toking..
he has hurt her feelings time and time again...
n now seperated he wants her back cuz he realize wat he lost...
wats the point...
its too late...
n even if u say u change hu will try again...
wat if it happens again...
wat if tings never change...
can a person really change over a matter of days...
can they...
i really dunnoe...
the same wif mi ex guy..
wats the point of realising wat u lost after telling mi u dun nid mi animmore...
i hung on long things never change...
wen finally i say forget it n try to move on...
nothing...
wen i found someone else... then things happened..
problems after problems...
not only fer mi but oso fer mi bf now hu was then fren...
thru so much trouble we made it this far...
n im happy...
he stayed by mi till the end.. din leave mi alone to cry...
held mi tight n safe...
loved mi wif everything he had...
i went on wif him without loving him but one day i just fell in love... im loving him so much i dun ever want him to leave mi... ever...
it is wif his love that he showed mi that now i love him till today

i went thru alot in mi previous relationships..
so im a person hu has been so hurt..
n so scared of love n commitment
so scared wat if one day...
but i leave it ol to fate...

all i will say is i love him
n im thankful fer everything he evr did n i appreciate him...
fer always being there...

n though i hv hurt u so much..
wich imvery sorry fer...
I STILL LOVE U...

DON'T LEAVE ME K... pls..

we ol deserve to b happy..

2006-11-12T23:42:00.000+08:00

N i think we ol deserve to b happy...
dun u think so...
i miss mi hubby many many...
he went kl... n finally he's back...
lucky i was bz wif performance...

friday was a big performance..
Rameshwara, Theestainers, Sangeshstraz
everybody were big time performers...
i felt like a small fry
mi grp has to like upgrade...
waiting fer the time...

mi bf cousin Nagen was the one hu kold us fer a performance...
realli happy cuz this was a freaking big show....
i really felt extra...
aniway...

the next day we performed at bishan..
and guess wat i saw mi fav singer hehe
n mi dance teacher toked to him n i got to tok to him...
dunnoe y so happy
siaow ryte...
but oh well...
he said the dance was good
n i met a few nice ppl...

really enjoyed mi performance...
and guess wat mi hubby is back n im on the fon ryte now fighting wif him...
but even in this min im still happy to hear his voice cuz thats how much i miss him...
though i realli dun wanna fight...
irritating n so i will update u guys next time why i say everybody deserves to b happy
cuz mi blog is not over yet
but i hv to stop now cuz he's complaining...
do i hv a choice
NO

now i gonna go fight wid him more...
haiz...

sleepy head..

2006-11-06T14:23:00.000+08:00

3 nite shifts...
haiz n after mi last nyte shift went to indhu's place straight to get dressed fer a morning performance...
go there i was in fer a shock..
dun even ask..
n so after the performance
headed down to dover...
damn hell i cant slp...
was thinking so much of wat happened in the morning
in the end i was wide awake
later in the evening arnd 5 headed down to kallang
had a performance at kolam ayer cc
man i had fun wif the ppl there
maruskaz , singers ram , priya i tink the other gals.. mc thiru n deviyani
haha those ppl were gr8 backstage n supportive...
i owe ram a chocolate... well he screamed fer our performance hehe
marushkaz were damn gr8
they got the moves n energy!!
love their dance...
sometimes i wish i can do wat they do
not that i can't
but u nid a bunch of young ppl hu energetic
man i so wan mi own dance grp...
planning to
nid to cari dancers n trusted ppl
get the moves ryte n we're up fer a roll
ryte now i nid a male choregrapher to help mi wif choreographing
a guy to do remixing
n another to help mi fren indhu wif design
i nis a strong team n i can get the grp going
to open up a grp n make it big!
mi dream...
hope i make it someday

well our performance okie...
but the stupid rani in her own world...
dancing anihow...
irritating...
oh well gotta go slp
till next time
~nita~

mia

2006-11-04T09:58:00.000+08:00

n im back..
yet again
due to ppl makin noise bout mi not updating im gonna try to update often... i say try ah...
no promises
oh well on nyte again...
damn sleepy
the best part... tmrw morning after werk gotta go perform n at 2 places
in the morning n evening n as a result
im not gonna get a gd slp...
but the good thing
thank god im onli goin back wer on tue
freaking tired...
the truth yesterday was not tat busy it was quite ok la...
pretty much free frm 2 plus...

body ache frm ol the dancing...
hehe secret...
been out
enjoyed the loud music
heart pumping
non stop dancing...
and as a result... mi leg freaking hell hurts
damn bad...
the sad part ol dressed so nice n v forgot to tk pics
haiz..
n i looked good
shameless hehe hu cares
cant wait to go again
dis time round gotta get the moves ryte cuz some ppl say i was killing reggae songs
but damn i dunnoe how to dance reggae

god noes how im gonna dance tmrw in ol mi sleepy stupor
yet later got to follow mi bf family go makan
n i just remembered im supposed to go mi best fren hse...
i totally forgot..
how ah..
im so tired...
nid to go 2 places
can i dun go aniwer but slp instead?
n im down wif the stupid flu - as usual

aniway...nid to get mi beauty slp...
i still gotta go out n get mi ass to work on time
alleluya....
i nid ol the luck
to survive...

then again...
i am a survivor
olways been

nytes

argghhh

2006-07-13T23:02:00.000+08:00

i feel like giving up man..
im doin it again again n i can't atch the damn step n kip forgetting
shit la
how to perform like tat
sheesh
im goin crazy n very angry wif miself...
like i can nvr get it
i reali hope i catch up
oh i will juz gv up
oh i dun think i will
i will juz kip trying n trying till i gettit
wat to do
i nvr give up in dance
mi love n life
dance is one thing i will nvr gv up
hmmm...
6 moths hv passed so fast
haiz...
time reali pasts so fast...
n in trying to kip up
oh well im sleppy..
till next time i update mi blog
~nita~

dance dance

2006-07-08T15:07:00.000+08:00

gosh i was juz flipping thru the channel n caught a glimpse of dance fever... the show sucks big time....
i think the ppl nvr watch reaaaaal dance....

anita so damn tired
i slept at 10 plus in the morning
got performance at 7 at parkway
gotta mit mi grp at 4.30 at eunos mrt
im up at 2
survivng in 4 hrs of slp n im so sleepy...
i hope the show dusn kok up sia...
scared
but i pray hard it turns out powerful
aniway gotta go get ready....
n werk after tat
i juz pray today i dun fall aslp at mi counter...
~nita~

nite nite...

2006-07-07T16:51:00.000+08:00

man i should reali try n make more frequent entries...
aniway im on nite...
todays mi 2nd nite...
n im sleepy..
thank god i survived the nyte n din fall asleep at the counter...
man so many iv's to give... it like a never ending list sia...
but yea... nite shift more quiet...
but oso more sleepy..
mi n mi constant munching
today nite gonna work wif joan... mi darling en...
we r gonna rock the ward haha ryte...
2 sleepy heads eating n giggling...
aniway tmrw is mi performance... sheesh dunnoe hoe im gonna wake up...go fer dance n still make it fer work...
i pray hard i dun knock off...
hopefully mi bf wakes mi up on time...
man... but i shall still dance well...
then go like dead dog to work...

oh well u gain some n lose some... meaning mi slp fer performance...
n i reali should lose that extra pounds....

n now im gonna go get more slp before i go werk
tata

anita returns...

2006-06-27T20:03:00.000+08:00

goin to temple on mondays...
feel peaceful...
much peaceful...

2 of mi staff goin to critical care unit...
new badge gradyates out... thank god they r ppl we noe...
the previous badge of students.... now ol graduated
n its already 1 yr since i started...
mc again... olways sick
dunnoe wats goin on wid mi body...
sick chicken.. fever 39.2

reali sian...
aniway dance is good
though i think ,more new n fast steps will b good i cant reali say much
oh well
its the oni thing kips mi together

will b goin back to work on thurs..
can i pls stop falling sick...
haiz....
but mi mind feels a little more at ease...
hopefully everything is ok olready...
though the fear is still there
everything gonna b olrite i think...

gonna go rest...
miss the old anita but i hv a feeling she's returning soon

~nta~

wats wrong wid mi? i wish i knew..

2006-05-26T17:43:00.000+08:00

at a period of time ... i had been having performances after performances...
drained mi out but i had fun n i was kept busy...
then i took a break n met up wid frens...
each time i move on some tngs happen to bring mi down...
loads of shit at workplace
tat drains mi oready... mentally n physically...
frens hu went missing...
but reali... i dun bother... cuz the close ones are olways there wid mi eventually
n mi bf is there... every tear i shed he wipes it away... if not he cries wid mi... i thank god fer givin mi a person hu tolerates all the anger i vent...
a person hu loves mi much more than i love him... im trying mi best to appreciate wat i hv.. n not to turn back n think bout past...
difficult..
after so much of problems... i just needed the break... went out in a happy mood 2 mit mi 2 frens...
guess hu i saw at outram mrt...
mi first bf...
the one i loved so much n waited like a fool
the one hu was sick... the bastard...
he din recognize mi..
until i juz stood there n stared at him fer so long... his half smiling face turned to juz a face trying to think wat to do next....
he din approach mi n say hi either... expecting mi to tok...
the more i saw him the more angry n sad i felt...
i noe better then to stand ther n let him see mi cry...
so i turned away n walk down the escalator n he jus stood there
before i knew it tears wich i hv been holding on fer so long juz started coming...
i jus cried till i told miself to stop...
why should i cry over a jerk... hu onli made mi cry everytime...
every single time...
n then mi day was gone... its hard to hold a smile..
lucky thing another fren was ther... he started making us luff...
even couldn't concentrate on mi dance
went to find mi best fren...
we ended up toking n in the end she was crying fer mi as well...
i made her worry...mi best fren hu olways was there to listen to mi... i oni go to her wen i reali can't tk it cuz i dun wan her or ani one else to worry bout mi...
but i reali appreciate tat isma juz stood by mi...
eventuali...i juz told miself to let go but wen im alone...
thoughts do come back..
fears...
mistakes...
anger..
sadness...
if i can oni turn back time...
i wish i never met the person named solomon in mi life ever...
the name of a king...
but a character of a jerk...

mi first dance performance

2006-04-16T23:05:00.000+08:00

yesterday was mi performance....
one at bukit panjang a small event...
the other was at jurong west n tat was a wild event
happening n gd food n bigger stage compared to the miniature stage at bukit panjang!
tat first one mi performance was a disaster...
the second was happening though
reali enjoyed the croiwd support
but so damn tiring la
i was morning shift... took mi bath at the hospital
ran down to ttsh n tried the costumes
trial practice..
then wore make up n change into costumes as we were getting late... took cabs in the end 3 cabs in one day
freakin shit....
aniway its ol over...
mi upcoming performance is comin fer the next 2 wks saturdays..
busy women ha...
i like it!!

wat!!

2006-04-14T13:56:00.000+08:00

got a phonecall to tell mi there's a show tmrw!!
how the hell m i gonna dance in this state.. i barely walk straight
summore at jurong cc....
i reali woudn't mind if im in gd health but reali uneasy esp wen im reali down wid mi sick...
dun feel good... reali dunno if i can make it tmrw... well got to try i guess...
the worst thing is if tmrw reali performance i nid to go little india get some stuff n collect mi costumes n go fer dance practice after tat
haiz...
reali dunnoe how,,, juz pray hard i dun faint or anithing
or mi mum will kill mi fer not listening to her
God bless mi
hehe i nid tat... alot..

will i ever recover?

2006-04-13T19:47:00.000+08:00

sick sick....
i go back werk today then i ended up vomitting wen i reach ward
in the end go staff clinic n 2 more days mc...
stupid sick... barely ate fer 3 days...
since start of yr till now very bad luck...
haiz... tings after tings happen..
: (
reali sick n tired of all the shit goin on mi life
it juz never ends
each time i think it does, it starts again...
so many things to settle
arghhh
the oni thing wich kip mi goin is mi stress reliever in mi life .. dancing
cant wait to go up on stage n perform...
miss those days..
dancing olways been mi passion.. hopefully ol goes well
i hope i settle the problem at werk
scary position...
haiz...
GOD save mi
help mii....
ur mi ONLY saviour

ppl change

2006-04-12T20:25:00.000+08:00

ppl change...

fer gd or fer bad
i dun reali noe wats goin on n wats happening
i dun reali wat to do
im like so confused

was sick yesterday... the whole day having fever
hit to 39.7
finally dropped today...
but mi mouth got the medicine taste
haiz... tmrw go werk
dance practice sommore...
hopefully i get ol well soon

waa... frm 31st jan to 30th march

2006-03-30T10:43:00.000+08:00

waa... after so long later then im makin an entry,,
no wonder mi best fren olways asking mi to update mi blog..
so well i just finished 4 days nite... n juz got back, had a bath n now online..
tired... very actuali.. put mi on bed n i will go into hibernation mode.. hehe
well yesterday mi pt pass away due to liver cancer.. poor guy oni.. 49 yrs old..
n he has 2 teenage children..
he was a nice man as far as i rmbr him
haiz... never had pt pass away in mi shift before so was not very sure wat to do.. but everything went well
well i enjoy doin nite shift... u noe y..
its much more peaceful.. not relaxing ah! i still hv loads of werk to do but its more peaceful as in quiet... i dun hv students, collegues, sisters, relatives n esp doctors walking arnd and in n out n causing a lot of commotion.. its more quiet n i dun hv to see the ppl i dislike faces...
haiz u noe i wish in a way that i get to do permanent nyte...
i dun mind the extra cash though it can b very tiring... but i like the whole nite shift thing...
hmmm... c wer it goes..so wats goin on in mi life... alot actually...made a lot of frens.. n havin loads of fun n stress..
aniway wats love?? i dun belief in true love so wat the heck... juz go wid da flow
its nice having to guys chase u at the samt time but sadly its gets confusin n tiring
i dunnoe wer mi future lies... im leaving it to fate.. the last time i trusted a man it ended up in shit... so i dun wanna tk a chance again

the big problem is....
mi hp bill is like shit...
n i gotta do something bout it fast...
haiz... dunnoe how i wan to pay ol... aniway goin to ctrl frm now on.
money more impt then chattin wid ppl
its getting higher n higher
haiz ...
how nice if money grows on tree... i wish
k im getting very sleepy i tink im gonna go slp
zzzzz
till the next time i update
~adios~

this time round.. im the patient

2006-01-31T17:30:00.000+08:00

finally... i got discharged frm hospital today...
i was warded at w78 rm 31/1...
yes i became a patient...
i started to get bumps all over mi 4 limbs... it spread over the limbs... n it was freaking painful... can't walk nor stand nor sit.. moving around is difficult because of the pain...
i went to work still but on sat 28/1/06 can't tahan... went staff clinic to seee doctor... doctor dunnoe wat is wrong with mi.. n said its unusual.... referred mi to go a&e... the doctor diagnose mi as query erthyma nodumes.. a skin problem... a symptom triggered by something frm mi body.. can b tb.. viral infection... anithing.... at first they refused lemme go home... they said wait till all the bumps subside.... n til they find out the trigger factor... i was getting irritated fer stayin in hospital like an idiot... n at nite i always feel so lonely... nobody there.. family n fren all go home...
wan to cry... till i started crying yesterday to mi fren that iwant to go home...
sounds stupid but well no one will understand wat its like unless ur in mi position... having a sickness caused by dunnoe wat... n can come back again...
i feel like a diseased women...
haiz..... i jus hate being hospitalised...
being alone...
well mi frens visited mi n im so touched they came....
well... being hospitalised made mi see things in a patients point of view... n i felt wat they felt.. the worry they have...
i was pratically worrying every single day n nite weneva im alone....
every nite i had oni 1 question... wen i will get to go home...
surprisingly the doctor lemme go home on the account that im a staff nurse there n should b able to tk care of miself... anithing come back to see them... i was so happy i was like jumping wid joy...
i packed all mi things.... n got discharged wen mi dad n brudder came...
i came home.. so happy to b home alas....
nuthing like home....
i dun eva wan to get hospitalised again.....
im on mc till 7th feb... hv to come back fer appointment..
hope this skin problem goes away...
as long as i dun get admitted again...
praise the LORD...

sick chicken

2006-01-26T12:40:00.000+08:00

i can barely move today..
generalised weakness n pain on movement...
yesterday whole day flu..
today i can barely move... damn painful.. took mc..
feel bad.. this mth alone i took 2 mc oready...
but if i go to werk i cant werk fast.. i will b like moving slow motion.. move pain.. sit oso pain.. walk pain...
mi father bring mi to the doctor...n he got the cheek to tell mi mum i walk like an old lady...see la... expect mi to fly i tink..
now feelin abit drowsy frm the meds...
i 4gt wat i wanted to type...
i hope mi ward sista dun think i ponteng fer fun...
tat will b fun.. but nah.. i not so bad
if i do to others wait one day others will do back to mi
haiz... i shall go lie down n stay in that position n try not to move..
damn hopefully i can walk tmrw.. n not like a constipated old lady..
someone... massage mi can....
: (

sick again

2006-01-25T20:45:00.000+08:00

how many times can a human being fall sick...
i tink im 1 fool hu olways so suai fall sick...... esp wen i v lucky get long days off.... haiz...
flu as usual... man mi nose hurts frm sneezing..
suppose to mit mi best fren to go watch movie... but been sneezing the whole morning n i feel so giddy wen i go down to shop fer awhile...
so in the end i had to cancel it... so sad...
haiz....
y must i fall sick...
y.....
tmrw must go back werk.... soo sad...
haiz...
i wonder if mi best fren is angry wid mi fer not miting her
aiya i v tired n sian... body paining sneeze n sneeze...
i wan to go cut mi hair n highlight la..
haiz......
k la i v sian sick.. n staying at home.....
tmrw werk oready... god noes wen mi next off...
hope mi sick goes away....
: (

4 days off

2006-01-24T19:50:00.000+08:00

4 days off... 3rd day.. walking to 4th..
damn bored today... stay at home...
not active enuf to run out today..
yesterday i went to watch i not stupid 2... so damn touchin... mi n mi fren indhu crying away hehe n funny oso...
then after that mi n mi fren went tekka mit up her frens... jeff n julie... funny la.. we were kachau'in them away... having loads of fun.... joking...so nice to kip in touch wid old fren.... must go out again ...
tmrw last day off... : (
i dun wan to go back to work.....
haiz...

have a nice day....

2006-01-12T20:25:00.000+08:00

moral of the story.. help urself before helping others... finish our own work first then help others... mi collegue always ask mi help him while he does his things... in then end... i lose out.. i stay back tilll so late to finish mi work.... well this time round mi work comes first... gv them a dose of their own medicine...n wat happens... i finish mi work on time n can even go break...
well yea i finish work on time... still can relak sia... fuyo... hehehe happy...
i went out mi cousin n niece... so fun... i happy happy hold mi niece hand n we swinging our hand n walking... hehe we go eat at kfc.. then tok n tok... go mi house cuz mi cousin nid to print somethings... reali nice time spent together
yeay i 4 days off... go back to work on tuesday hehe so happy.... no nid to see mi patients... take a good break... so much of problems at work... can't take it.. now mi time to relax n breathe.. i hope by the time i go back the patient not there...
haiz..
the start of the year... so many problems.. fights wid patiets n ppl u love.. decisions made... maybe good or bad.. as long as it kips mi happy n im not crying animore...alot of things learn... a lot of messages sent... sadness n newfound happiness
ppl hu come frm noewer... n actuali make u feel happy n loved n soon enuf u just tell urself to let go of past n move on... i hv moved on frm one phase to another... start life aqgain n not to dwell on the past... not worth it... cuz thats wat kip mi frm moving on...
n now its mi turn to b happy n let ppl kip mi happy... cuz im tired of doin all the harwork but treated like shit in the end...
maybe sometime somethings r not meant to be..
n every ending is a new beginning... i hv found a beginning... im happy fer now...n i hope it remains this way..
cuz i dun wan to cry animore...

i hope the year dun suck

2006-01-10T22:26:00.000+08:00

i having lots of problem at work... patients creating trouble... complain against mi... cry so much.. n im wondering y the hell m i crying... wasting mi time rite n tears...
go to work like zombie..
then wen i think i goin to try n move on... i have another problem...
ended up cyring again... shit la starting of the new year n cry.. shit...
i wan to b happy.... n im goin to try... i just hope i get over all this unwanted shit!!! GOD pls help mi..
but well n im feeling happier... n try to kip miself happy...

new year resolution

2006-01-05T21:39:00.000+08:00

mi new year resolution..
to b HAPPY
guess its bout time i knock sense in mi head n stop feelin sad...
n well... im feelin happy... confused n angy with other things... but apart thatt yea im happy...
dunnoe feelin happy n jus wanted to say that..
hmm.... its a new year n a new beginning.. n i will relive mi life!
here i go....

patients vs patience

2005-12-28T22:05:00.000+08:00

fer 2 days i overall in charge... mi patients take turn to bug the hell otta mi... so much nonsense.. feel like murdering them.. now mi 2 cubicles all ortho patients n full of nonsense patients!!!
2 drug abusers hu half the time tok rots n irritate mi...
1 juz did op n has so much of complians n nags worse than a woman...
he will do stupid things then tell mi he bleeding la .. pain la...
hu ask u move so much after major op in the leg...
another will lie down there n wants to be seved like his a king
another i think wants to b a part time nurse... ownself connect n disconnect his antibiotics... go n off plug himself claiming its not straight... n wen i told him off he say its a small matter... all the more i feel like takin the biggest needle to poke him... then he noe the pain of settin plug... bum!
he is not suppose to walk cuz the bone is very weak n gonna cause him a fracture n the op site to bleed.. tell him so many times... stubborn man... kip walkin ... then i just tell him.. "later bleed u dun come to mi"
irritating rite u tell them dun do then they do... then bleed find missy..
he goin fer another op n oready say cannot eat he go n eat biscuit la drink water la... then wen tell him cannot... he telling mi can like as though he docotor!!! nonsense la he want to die ine the op table issit!!
they dunnoe wat they r doin to themselves...
another hongkee fella hu is a big time pain in the ass... refuses to go home..
but he oni complains bout the doctor.. but bugs our life...
n last but not least the jungle man... we all call him that cuz he is a dirty fella hu never takes hiz bath.. n stinks big time
complain of pain but the minute wan to smoke no pain ...
complain of pain then wen gv medicine say dun wan
if not sometime crawl like sadako out of his bed
one of the noisiest patients... then again,, most of mi patients noisy
sometimes they make mi sp issed off i feel like crying
they behave like its a market!!!
haiz im trying very hard to show patience towards them
but seriously all i wanna do is murder them...
ahgghhh!!!!
lucky i off tmrw... frens comin over... hope they dun lay mi out.. i will murder them hehe
well tmrw is another day.. thank god no work
im goin on nite soon ... i shall wat gonna happens hpe i hv fun...
merry xmas n happy ner year guys

do they noe its xmas time at all..

2005-12-27T00:38:00.000+08:00

hey whadya noe.. xmas is in the air..
on the 25th the day was fun n mi house was pack n hot ... mayb too many ppl thats y..
mi frens came
so happy to see em'
but man was it tiring doin the entertainin
cut mi bday cake
yes ppl im 21
wow n prezzies hehe
but go work
was afternoon n overall in charge
but okie the day past well
tmrw oso oops i mean today... its oready 12.40..
afternoon shift
though i was pretty much disappointed wid someone fer not coming
i realised its no point getting angry
hu is he anyway...
wateva f*** la.. got no comments..
try to enjoy life
21 oready.. mus do something
but dunnoe wat la
hehe fer now
enjoy xmas!!!
n new year juz around the corner...
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY...
mi new year resolution :
to be happy.

better to slp

2005-12-22T23:23:00.000+08:00

i guess its better to slp at home next time...
i went shoppin today...
seriously.. its difficult to find a dress i like... way beyond mi budget to spend that much on a dress..
ended up buyin some sphagetti blouse...i dunoe i like it cuz its simple n mature... at that point wen i buy it seriously jus looked nice n a must hv... take it back home n i got the complains... takin turns to tell mi how low it is.. it doesn't look that low to mi though... i guess i shall burn it..
haiz throughout mi years oready i listen everything... at a point of time ppl grow up n try diff things... mayb i should juz stick to wearing t-shirts..
they bttr not complain animore then
want mi to look womanly... but this cannot that cannot...
aiya wateva..
ask mi buy skirt ... i buy... short??
go to all the shop the skirts r freaking short okie!!! unless i buy long skirt...
to mi it dusn look short... aiya dunnoe la... i dun wanna shop animore..
i think im stickin to jeans n t- shirts n long sleeves...
soon i will wear like the muslim ppl (no offence). cover everything up...
cannot stay out late... cannot overnite.. no to chalet..
canot wear this... cannot club... cannot cannot cannot
frustrating...
y did i even bother...
might as well sleep... much better....
now i must change wat i want to wear fer xmas... i think i noe.
buy a freakin t-shirt
lets see hu complains then

4 more days to xmas

2005-12-21T18:44:00.000+08:00

man 4 more days n i hvn finish mi shopping la!!! suppose to go celebrate a fren bday... like shit the person wen missing as usual... wateva f ***.
then i had a backup plan noe'in these things happen... sadly it backfired.. mi fren stuck at work...
n now raining...
i nid to shop n nobody free
n im dead tired...
4 more days to xmas n im not prepared....
worst i actually can sit here bothering to wait fer mi fren to kol mi out fer his bday... wasting mi time...
wan to slp but too tired to slp... n mind too busy thinking shit as usual...
achievement fer today... i set plug n took blood..
aiya im trying to ammuse miself..
wat bothers mi the most rite now is
unfinished shoppin... i yet to buy mi xmas clothes..
haiz.. then after that go back work n yes im spending new year in hospital... nite shift! count down in the hospital...
well something diff n new n can't b helped..
i wish i was out shoppin... wasted mi good time entertaining ppl
damn it...
n well 4 more days fer mi to finish mi work...
got 2 shop fer xmas presents n clothes
clean mi cupboard
clean mi shelf n bed
clear away all mi junk
wrap the presents
put up the tree
n still hv fun on mi bday amongst all this...
well i'll survive... somehow

another meanin to life?

2005-12-14T20:28:00.000+08:00

wat hv i been up to?? nuthin juz work
today i was so dead bored n everybody not free to mit mi so i made plans diff... i brought mi mum out fer a movie (i dun do that often by the way)
we went to watch the DESCENT. scary!!! it scared the shit outta mi... damn... but the movie nice.. din reali get the moral of the story till mi bro told mi the moral.. its bout animals hu stick by fer one another n hv compassion but humans behave compassionless n animal like
i do agree... that many of us r like that...
sadly
i met mi ex patient... hu is the one patient hu i did care alot fer.. he has quite a sad story n suffered alot of pain throughout the hospitalisation n a very very nice patient...
n happy to see him discharged after almost 3mths of hospitalisation
saw him on mi way to work... happy to see him get on well..
i nvr forget those times he was olways in pain n even times wen he gives up wants to suicide.. i feel happy that i did manage to tok positive thinkin n that rite now he is livin much better...
its such small tings we do that help others that create meaning fer the job im doin...
n i dunnoe if i will ever continue this job or leave it... seeing how stressful it gets n no one appreciates u fer the fact....
which can drive mi nuts n think its a shit job...
rite now mi life??
i have no plans.. i dunno wat the hell im gonna do in the future..
wer to go ... wat to do..
i reali dunnoe
rite now its juz frens n work n family
i work like crazy.. hang out wif frens wen im free... wat else??
i reali hv no plans.... meaning to life???
dunnoe used to hv a meaning to life..
now i juz want to search the meanin n dun waste time feelin sad..
now not as sad but well... still not sure wat i want in life...
or wat i want to do...
n shit im goin to b 21.. haiz growing older...
n i hv yet to discover meaning to life..
i counsel ppl well but a sad case hu dun live by wat she taught others...
i wish i start doin that..
n i wish i know wat to do with mi life...

do u noe the meaning of BORING!

2005-12-08T16:01:00.000+08:00

thats wat im feeling rite now... bored!!!
chattin online wid mi frens.... so damn bored...i dun even noe wat to write cuz theres nuthing to write....
so there... mi boring blog entry fer today... how exciting...
im still bored...

no worries no worries

2005-12-07T22:12:00.001+08:00

haiz.... today morning shift... i do 1 big dressing until back pain...
tmrw off. so happy...
but dunnoe wat im gonna do though..
macam no life
haiz... boring.... argh!!!!! reali bored la... dunnoe wat to do to spice up mi life
ideas somebody!!! go work come home bathe eat n slp.. wen free go makan wid fren or watch movie... nuthing new... hmm... mi ward busy as usual... i so scared they take mi over to renal.. i dun wan go... cuz got alot indians at mi surgical... scared they take mi over that side... i pray they dun.. if they do i will cry... reali....
haiya dun tok about work always stressful...
but if i start tokin bout mi life then i oso get stressed...
aiyo... no difference....
hmph... do wat tmrw??
watch movie i guess... how "excitin"..
must go cycling.. i wonder if i still rmbr how to cycle...
hmm... mus kip miself busy... if not i too stress till i hv to go imh
eh there are nurses go imh ( as patients )...n i dun wan to be 1 though... must enjoy life till the last minute.. hu noes skali the next day i die.. dun wan die wid regrets... so moral of the story dun waste time getting sad n crying jus kick ol the stress n worries n b happy..
no worries no worries..
i wish i followed that advice... i will try though.Have to.

damn nursing!!

2005-11-28T23:42:00.000+08:00

i wonder if im getting paid to get scolding!!! wat the hell.. after mi annual leave n im goin back to ward today... tot it was gonna b a gr8 day.. yea rite.. hu m i kidding... nonsense..
it was all gr8 until at about 6 plus wen mi collegues patient's son walk up to mi n asked if his father has gone fer an operation... n then i juz replied it has been cancelled.. he asked mi why but i can't explain y cuz i dunnoe y... i did not take the kol n im not in charge of him n im not updated about him so i realli dunnoe y.. i said im not sure but i will ask mi collegue to tok to him.. n he started yellin at mi... refusing to let mi tok.. he kept yellin n making scene n i din noe wat the hell to do... luckily mi fren from the other cubicle help mi sort it... even then he is not v pleased... wen she n i go to the tearoom n ask mi collegue to tok to him cuz its more better fer him to explain to him.. but he refused to do so.. he was sleepin n claimed its his break... so !!! does that mean its okie fer him to hv his breakin while i bloody hell take the rap...worse still no one kol n told the patients son it was cancelled... mi fren helped mi to settle it n i juz apologized that i reali could not ans him..mi fren did not want mi to get a complain letter fer something i din do so she helped mi... bless her good heart.. but im so angry wid mi collegue hu refused to help mi n juz wanted to cover his backside...
ii was so irritated i went fer break.. force miself to eat.. then i told miself im taking the full break... i felt so down n moody after that...
then wen i went back out n served medications... mi another patient hu is mentally ill scolded mi in vulgarities fer nuthing...
he kept shoutin chibai.. trust me.. man i was temted to ask him y his mother dun hv issit... rude but wat the hell...
he kept yelling at mi until i pass report finish... he say u shut up.. dun tok to mi n make nmi fed up.. he reali crazy.. one minute he joke wid mi n so nice.. next minute he yell at mi.. n the worst thing is i orady served his psychaitric medicine oready n he is like that.. i wonder if he ate it or threw it away.. cuz if he dun take it thats wen he goes bonkers...
i felt like beatin him up... it reali spoils mi mood.. n i felt very depressed..
i got scolded fer nuthing...
is this y i joined nursing.. to get f**ked by patients! m i even gettin paid fer all this shit im taking!!! im juz so irritated that i feel like quittin this job... i m counting down 3yrs... i can't do this fer life... cuz at the end of it i will become mentally ill n stressed out!
tmrw i morning shift n have to face it again... God noes wats goin to happen tmrw... juz bring mi thru the day n im thankful..

bloated...

2005-11-27T23:45:00.000+08:00

i ate so much today... n i was suppose to be dieting.. haiz...
i went to mi cousin house today n saw mi 2 nieces n nephew... v cute.. they hv grown up alot... one lost weight n the other two put on... had fun .. then mi n mi cousin go walk walk around hougang mall n chattin bout life n laughin at ppl... a peaceful day n most of the time spent yackin n jokin...
today is mi last day of annual leave n im goin back to work tmrw... hmm sad... i wanted to slp more... i noe im being a pig.. lazy la..
happens.. if u work like mi
but waitin fer mi off on wed n thurs..
work... so much politics... i hate it wen ppl put a luffin face but do the otherwise.. damn them.. nvm ... i will survive..
jus look forward to off i guess... haiz... work tmrw... i dun wan to go!!!!
drag miself to work... n now im gonna go slp.. n face mi tiring life again..
here i go again...

weighty issues

2005-11-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

n mi sista n brudder r fighting at the back.... nonsense... i dun like it wen ppl throw tempers.. sadly i realise i do that to...
man i gotta grow up in that sense....
but throwin tantrums is good... ppl will noe u r angry n juz buzz off... i dun do that to everybody thou... mi frens dun reali c this side of mi.. mayb cursin n swearin yes... but not tantrums... onli do it to mi loved ones... hu else can we do this to hehe ( n im proud of that) hehe
im on annual leave n i can't believe that im actualli siitin at home... again ... today...
go tekka (again) haiz....
i jus realised today that man i put on an awful lots of weight... n its startin to piss mi off... im gonna lose weight again even if mi gastritis pain kills mi.... thanks to wonderful attention of painkiller... okie if mi fren read this they will definitely murder mi wen they see mi...
they say i look a healthy person now unlike last time i look anorexic.... did i?? i dunnoe... i miss those days wen mi tummy were flat... n fats were less visible... the day i met mi one fren... i started bloatin... frn 44kg to now a 49kg... i took gr8 pains to lose weight frm 56kg to 44 kg... n now i puttin on....
cannot cannot... must lose weight... n i shall.. wen i do i shall publicise hehe.... i hope im not becomin crazy...
i sit at home i kip thinkin of certain things i dun wanna think of...
but if i wanna go out i get nagged at
past few dayss so stressed out until i juz wan to go somwer n release all this stress....
haiya... if god has a hp i will definitely call him n ask the ans to mi questions.. questions i nid ans to fer a long long time...
cuz moving on is not that easy after all... n i wan to move on
but i can't~

im back....

2005-11-22T21:31:00.000+08:00

im on annual leave...
im SUPPOSED to b enjoyin but im rottin at home... y?
cuz mi best fren is down wid tonsils
mi close fwen in thai trainin
mi other fren all workin shift...
every1 so busy.... so m i wen im workin la...
so happy to b out of ward fer now...
so chaotic n busy... nvr finish work
so fast time past... i work fer 5 mths oready...
how much i saved... nuthin much
i wonder wat i do wid mi pay la.... last time broke now oso broke
hehe
mostly because of mi stupid hp bill
at work kena nag by the oldiesin the ward.. work wid em v the f***in stress
esp gt 1 old lady.... i wonder do all single womean become like her
so grouchy
she rarely smiles n if she does she looks even more freaky
n she has a face of a bull dog la..... realli...
but she can b helpful thou ... depends on her mood... it changes at a blink of eye.. thats y i stay far... very very far away frm her
i wonder hows ward? hows mi pt...
but i dun miss ward... so tiring go work
im counting down 3 yrs,.... definitely runnin away
i wish i din join nursing..
but some times i feel proud to b a nurse wen i achieve something
but its till a job which will send mi to grave.... not easy n stressful
so much politics.... ol i noe is nvr trust anione but urself
at home mi parents nag at mi to do housework n learn cookin
mi stupid fren can force mi to learn cookin.. say i mus go the house n lern frm the mother....
y muz i learn cookin!!!! learn n cook fer hu
mi mother kip sayin cook fer mi husband in future,,, hu say i gettin married?
i miself dunnoe if i will get married...
will i ? onli god noes..
then thers the thing bout saving money...
im tryin.... reali tryion.. jus dunnoe y it finishes at the end of the month
hehe
save fer hu? mi future weddin... wat oni...
mi parents reali tryin to get mi to b responsible... but too bad they kip tryin n i kip runin... i will b responsible if i ever find the nid to
i will commit to such things wen thers a reason
i dun hv a reason to do all this fer now
savin ya okie its a must fer rainy dasy... the rest.... c how
firstly let god show mi wer mi path of life is headin n get5 mi ans to questions i nid then i wil decide.. till then i will enjoy...
now wan to enjoy but no fren to accompany.. how...
aiya the best thing now is slp...

watch gonna do wen it all comes back...

2005-10-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

juz wen u think life is gd... tings happen.. life is very unpredictable... bt learn frm lessons.. take tings into stride... n try to be happy the keyword is try...
work is as usual STRESS spelled in capitals... the day im overall in charge is the day i go home late... i reali can't cope 15 patients all on mi own... i can go crazy...scared ah b alone...so many mrsa patients in mi ward... nurse's r walkin germs...we carry bacteria in our body.. loads of it..

kitchen is under renovation... so poverty strikes at home... no good food to eat!!!! everyday outside food.. sick n tired of eatin at coffeeshop... home cooked food is the best... no wonder i lost weight hehe

so long never go church... mus go liao...

im goin on annual leave!!!! 21st nov to 27th nov!!! so happy... im helpin to clear someone else leave... but all the same... go on leave... yeay!!! break frm work... temporary that is.. better than nuthin

im gonna do a portfolio.. courtesy of mi parents... bday present 4 mi... so excited.. waitin oni...

deepavali comin...i lucky get mi public holiday... can go visiting..

c! so many things to b happy about.. so i shall not let one ting spoil mi mood or make mi sad...

p.s. since renovation alot kosu kadi (mosquitos i mean..)
hehe till later tata...

huff n puff n blow the man down

2005-09-20T23:17:00.000+08:00

n i tot blowing was easy...
today was mi bcls n yes i passed... jump fer joy... but mi throat hurts damn bad all thanks to the blowing.... i needed 3 attempts to actually pass the damn thing... mi compressions were beautiful ( **ahem ahem** wat can i say... beautiful person gv beautiful compressions... makes no sense rite... nvm..)aniway i had a hard time givin mouth to mouth resuscitation to the mannequin... so hard to blow.. n i blow so hard n still not enough... finally i manage to pass... a just pass fer mi blowing.. jus nice i gt 3 mistakes in the blowin n we were onli allowed to hv 3 mistakes.. thank god.... but seriously.. mi compressions were good... they were all at the same depth n timing... not to praise miself but wat can i say... im good... but not wid all this blowing thingy....
pass bcls oready go back ward relak oni... many staff n nuthin to do... so basicaly today is 1 day god is so kind to gv mi wer i get paid fer doin nuthin... ain't it gr8!
now waiting fer pay day... counting down....5 more days... n im rich again fer a few days then i will b poor
again.

bcls tmrw

2005-09-19T16:12:00.000+08:00

yeay its mi off today..... mi bcls tmrw... n i hv not yet studied fer it.... stupid la.. can nicely gv mi 8 to 4 shift rite... they unfair... aftrnoon shift.. so after bcls in the morning i mus go work!!!
so sian.... n rite now i playin this maths game thing wich is driving mi nuts...wa so long nvr mit mi best fren... later goin to makan wit her...i wonder hus afternnon wit mi tmrw... hope not mi preceptor... stress...
hmm wat i hv been up to.. nuthin much wen fer onnam at mi aunts place... then out as usual....nuthin much... but mi preceptor mouth ah... very suai... full of curse n swear.... no wonder she not married.. or isit she not married become like tht?? morale of the story... if not married at least hv a scandal..heh

v are burning....

2005-09-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

n wen was the las time i updated mi blog....
im alive!! yea rite like the ward does not drive mi nuts.. i hate ceklists cuz u hv to get all those stuppid stuff signed by the deadline... n mi preceptor very the .... spoil mood one la.. the min she start work till finish work she will be cursing n swearing so even if i try to hv a gd day she will be so kind and spoil it like she usually does... everytime i work wid her i get v stressed up...n she's the oni collegue i will not kol by name... i call her staff nurse.... not reali respect... juz scared... like wicked witch of the west... she oways hv a frown on her face n she stares at u like her eyeball gonna fall out ani moment.... but wen she gt the mood to teach she will teach properly.....
haiz... mi 1 pt hu oways kol fer us and ask the time n date... that indian muslim old man.. discharged oready.... n the ward is quiet la...haha
hmmm wat hv i been up to lately... nuthin much ... juz goin out alot till mi mummy nag at mi fer goin out alot n usin mi hp alot.... but y ah.... we pay our own hp bill but still kena nagged at fer usin the hp fer too long.. hehe... yeay today n tmrw mi off.... so happy...im goin out! hehe mi mum is gonna nag as usual... ya la ppl ask her go out she dun wan... then dun wan let mi oso go out... unfair tau..but the funny thing is she will not ask mi anithing or complain to mi directly... she will nag at mi sista fer mi behaviour( i pity her)... then after that mi sis will nag at mi...haiz..... so sad yesterday i take mc... sure mi pay cut 60 plus... sad sia... mi doctor summore scare mi say i gt gastritis n if still dun get bttr i mus go scope.....
aiya aniway rite now im proud to say im living a happy life cuz i no longer waste mi time sittin down n worrying....i jus enjoy mi life to the max n do wateva i want... life is so much more peaceful that way... there's oni one big problem..... how to tell mi ward sista that i hvn finish mi ceklist...man... im in fer some big time shit...
oh well.. like i dun c enuf of it in ward....

lazy

2005-08-18T19:58:00.000+08:00

tmrw is mi iv test n i hvn study.. can't study la... so irritated nuthin goin in mi head... i think i confirm will fail sia.. how to pass wen nvr study sia... mi fault.. supposedly i spose to study but some idiot fren kol mi go online in the end aiya dun say la.. i hate ppl makin use of mi... mcm 7 eleven... *u** la waste mi time oni... aiyo dunnoe la.. this is getting to mi head n i hvn study.. worried sia... dunnoe la i wan out frm nursing... i can't take the stress god help mi.....!
someone...

3 yrs past fast can....

2005-08-17T19:25:00.000+08:00

aiyo so tiring... yesterday afternoon shift never go break... busy like crazy... by the time finish work n go home wattime oready sia... then today mornin shift... damn sleepy... today oso busy like shit.. din eat... finish work late summore... left ward almost 5pm sia.... hungry n sleepy but still wanna go out... made plans to mit mi best fwen to buy present fer a close fren anniversary... skali she awhile later kol n tell mi nid to go makan wid her family... but its orite... she oways ther weneva i kol aniway... cannot tahan ppl say wan to email mi n din.. waste mi time cekin oso... like i gt nuthin better to do... haiz later go back ward muz rush n do mi plug settin n bld takin.. how sia.. pray hard i lucky each time i do.... shit la dunnoe muz finish by 30th this mth.... die la.. mi iv test on fri ah.. hvn study oso.. lucky tmrw rest day..haiz.... tired ah.. feet hurt... 2 patients compliment a few of our staff plus myself.. feel so happy... usually it stopped oni with a thank u... mus learn to kip mi mouth shut sia.. tell 1 person n dunnoe how the whole wrold... haiz... difficult sia like that in the end blame me.... frm now on juz kip quiet n evrything say dunnoe better la.... haiz tired.... feeling so drained physically n mentally... no wonder hair dropping sia.. i waitin .. 3yrs later bttr quit nursing la... shit job.. tiring ah...
hey n i saw jasmine today.. she go pierce her nose... dun look that nice la... aiya her face aniway hehebut happy to see her after so long... k la.. gonna off the comp n go slp.. no one's online to chat wid mi... nuthin to do... no one wan free yak wid mi oso or mit mi... so i shall juz lock miself out of the world ~ sleep!

mi feet hurts.. some1 massasge pls

2005-08-15T17:33:00.000+08:00

man today such a tiring day.... oni 2 nurses today.... no en or pca or students... one man show... run around like mad dog... n i tot i could b a happy junior today... so understaff... no time to eat or sit.. that busy.. lucky awhil later i had students come in... if not i tell u i dunnoe wat i will do... today mi fren gv mi heart attack.. tell mi that muz finish mi bld takin n plug settin ceklist by this week.. gv mi shock sia.. i hvn sign mi stuff... die la... i hate ceklist!!! make mi go crazy..
haiz... tiring.... mi bed callin mi... i would hv juz gone straight to bed if i wasn't expecting an email... damn i din recieve it... waste mi time this ppl... nxt time dun wan to layang oready....
wa mi roster mcm shit... reali rotate mi shift like wat oni... mi sat aftrnoon... sun n mon morning n summore sun i nid to attend mi dearrest fren chalet... haiz gt iv test n i hvn study..... aiyo.. n mi hp dunnoe wan to change not... siaow oready...aiya aniway not like i getting kols or wat... can wait la.... muz save money..ya rite.. i waiting fer pay to go shoppin actuali hehe
well basically its not ez to b a nurse.... i think they shld increase the pay hehe....
or at least gv free massage every 2 wks ah....
n mi feet still hurts~

n life goes on

2005-08-11T20:06:00.000+08:00

day in day out... mcm routine life.. go to work then back then bathe, eat slp then life goes on the same way.. if off go out if not stay home n rot... man sometimes i feel life sux.. n im bored to death but do i hv a choice.. ever since the day i told miself to carry on.. thats wat i've been doin...
i feel more peaceful at work... n sometimes mi pt juz make mi luf... yesterday i help wid resuscitation n i bag the pt till so damn tired mi hand cramp sia..
somemore now 7th month oi...
i hv this pt in ward n he's well sort of confused.. indian muslim old guy la... he very cute la.. tok to him sure luf cuz he tok nonsense.. hehe he olways luv to reach fer his mug of water n then end up the jug will topple to the floor.. so normali i will put his locker far frm his bedside so that he can't pour water down... n he will kol hundred n 1 times n ask to put the lockeer nearer to his bed so that he can pour water on his own... n talkin to him n answering his question can tire u but he reali v cute la make ppl luf... he comes up with all kind of weird questions n does all kinda of weird things... haiz.... these pt's make mi day much more than someone else hu should b doin tings to make mi luf... i dun c being a nurse as a long term plan... its v tiring n stressful.... but we'll c wer it goes 3 yrs later
aiya im so tired... 3 days off... n lets see wat im gonn do... hv fun i hope... catch up on slp... n most importantly... study fer mi iv!!

happy national day

2005-08-09T00:01:00.000+08:00

yeay its national day...
hehz.... like as though mi bday...
so long din come up... now workin n in charge of patients.. damn tirin... i enjoy work cuz its stressful n kkip mi mind out of mi problems...
i worry lesser... hmm but pretty much the same.. waiting fer god to shine the ans to all mi unsolved question n riddles in mi life... n i will wait patiently fer that day... n guess wat!!! i learn to cycle!!! i wanna take bike licence.... but c how la..hmmm tire la wan to slp ... update mi sad life another time eheh
nitz

im tired... physically n mentally

2005-07-16T20:26:00.000+08:00

im feeling so tired..... i feel like goin on hibernation mode.. sleep n not wake up....tired...graduation is in 2wks time...reali looking forward to it... now i m gonna b workin shift so no more sat n sun off... i wonder y im a nurse...i wonder how long i hv to wait till i get an ans...waiting is so so tiring.. maybe thats y im tired.. think too much... im so bored... lazy go work...today i pratically juz slept... mi mum's bday today.. thats y so good stay home... tmrw tot wanna go out... but seems like everybody is too busy... well they hv a life...time pass either too fast to cope or too slow that i dread every second....if only i can rewind back mi 3 yrs i would not take up nursing.. maybe a 8 to 5 job so that i can still kip up with mi social life.... do something....im tired... so moral of the story... dun think too much....i need something to happen to boost mi energy level....
i nid redbull in life...

wat shld i do?

2005-07-07T21:55:00.000+08:00

i hate being depressed...i hate feeling lonely... i hate it wen ppl say they will call but go missing... i hate it wen ppl say things they never meant...i hate it wen they leave u in the lurch in times of trouble.. i hate it wen the world turns upside down... i hate it wen i dunnoe wats goin on.. i hate it wen i dunnoe wat to do... i hate it wen ppl make mi cry...i hate it wen i can't stop crying...i hate it wen ppl u trust breaks ur trust.. i hate it wen im being made use of fer personal gains... i hate it wen i can never find a solution to problems.. i hate it wen i kip getting problems after problems...i hate it wen u can find peace...i hate having a burden in mi heart.... hate it wen i can't face up to mi problems...i hate trying to be happy wen im not...i hate it wen i bother but the other dusn't give a 'F'.. i hate it wen others b happy after causing mi pain... i hate wats happenin rite now... i hate being helpless... i hate not knowing wats happening....i hate being miserable...i juz hate beind so sad n not able to lift miself up.. i hate it wen ppl juz kip hurting mi again n again... y is this happening...suddenly i hate mi life...
i never felt like this before...
and i hate this feeling.................
hate it even more that i can't make all this go away!

guess hu's back...

2005-06-28T19:40:00.000+08:00

back again........ finally... lyke dunnoe after so long i got on blog... man its tiring... juz started job... been lyke 3 wks oready... currently on mi foundation programme so i gt no shift... morning shift all the way n sat 7 to 11 n sundays mi off... mi last off on 17 th july.. aftr that shift liao... haiz... learnt alot of things n still gt alot of things to learn.. so happy finally someone taught mi exactly wat i can do n wat i must noe.. n the orientation by a staff naz... thanks to her. reali... i gt transferre to 64 surgical.. during prcp i was in 64 renal... its so long since i went surgical posting so im lyke no nuts... going crazy cuz i can hv all kinda cases n i hv to noe how to care fer them... but right now fer first 3 mths im doin junior job.. hehe but getting staff nurse pay.. ain't it fun or wat....but well everyday come back so tired that i juz knock out after mi bath n meal everyday.. macam no life... like as if i hv 1 animore... mi frens are gonna start work oready.. n i hv 1 missing fren hu can't b bothered to kol which is praticali driving mi insane....never felt this lonely before... hv u eva had so much of frens bt yet feel so lonely....like there's no one fer you??that's how im feeling... i can't get rid of this feeling... so i pratically slp alot if not go out.... felt so stressed n depressed that wen i gt mi pay the 1st ting i did was to shop n shop... felt damn good to finally shop again...n mi fon bill in lyke 11mths was lower than ever... shockin... mi frens now y....y is life like that?? its like i get to b happy n juz wen im happy it suddenly taken away...n like i dunnoe if i ever get it back.. ever lost a thing u like so much n can't fin it.. the feeling can drive u nuts... mi exact feeling....haiz...i wish i could hv a wish so i can wish wat i wanna wish.. can i get a wish??haiz... rite now i hv no life... work frm to mon to fri n come hme n bathe n slp... boring.. i noe.. sat after work come home bathe n go church.. if mi fren free go out if not rot at home again.. the same goes fer sunday....i wld hv a life if someone jus kold....how long im gonna b like this? wen im gonna b happy again n wen the 'test' ends... only GOD KNOWS...

wats the truth??

2005-06-11T21:30:00.000+08:00

yesterday i went to mit mi dear fren... she told mi something she found out abt a fren.. n its very upsetting.. but wen i did confront bout it its another story.. mi fren will not lie to mi.. i trust her alot! but the other 1...i did trust alot.. but wen i read those msgs in her fon..it reli hurt mi feelings..i really dunnoe wats the truth.. n i wish i knew... mi fren so stress over mi problem until she smoke again.... stressed up over mi problem n something i confessed to her.. i dunnoe if im gonna b blacklisted...i reali don't... 1 ting i learn is think b4 u do anything n oways kip ur eyes open..i dunnoe if wat i found out is the truth.... gd person? bad person? i will let time n god decide... i hope gd...i dunnoe if i can handle it if its bad...i wish i can c in the future n noe now so that i dun hurt miself n c mi fren sad over mi....wat is the truth.. someone tell mi pls.

hu m i?

2005-06-09T20:07:00.000+08:00

i dunnoe wats goin on animore... i dunnoe wat to trust.. wat not to.. well finally i read mi daily bread n felt at peace n finally slept in peace again. well today.. i dunnoe if wat i did was a mistake by calling... ppl say i dun understand... but the problem is they dun understand.. getting scolded.. telling mi to face the music.. i tot we were supose to help each other n get each other back... i tink wat i did was a major crime ( ya rite) if i tell this to anyone or mi frens tell mi this problem i oni can say y they wanna make a big fuss..haiz.. m i reali that childish.. seriously m i?? i dunnoe the ans... in the end i finall decided to juz leave it to GOD's hand.. HE noes best.. everything happens fer a reason.. i dunnoe y its happening now.. but i will one day.. well but at least i noe now that wen there's a problem no oint telling this person cuz im on mi own although we were suppose to help each other... u noe a whole year later... the anita back then wld hv juz thrown everything obstructing her life n get on wid it.. i changed.. i 4gt how anita used to be.. its time i get a grip of miself.. its time i get back to the old anita.. jovial, happy n enuf of worrying... learn to b stone again... at least i dun cry animore..i hope i noe the reason fer goin tru all of this..

a world full of lies

2005-06-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

it's so hard to trust ppl in life.... i had a fren whom i trusted so much onli to find out she was full of lies and was bz spoiling mi name outside while suckin up to mi n meeeting her fuckin needs.. wen the truth was out 1 day i cut mi frenship wid her.. i hated indians n din tok them or mix wid them much... after almost three years i finally started mixing with indian ppl... i learn to trust ppl again... i trusted someone so much.. much more than i expected... n feelin cheated again.. ending up in tears.. is life always suppose to suck this much? sometimes i wonder y i put trust in ppl again after goin thru so much... y ppl fake n make u trust them oni to hurt u time n time again..wat the hell do these ppl want?? make use of mi! its hurtin to find out truth u dun wanna learn.. i feel so so cheated... wouldn't the world b a much much better place if ppl jus stop lying n treated u like human n dun cheat on u.. wat they r forgetting is wat goes around comes around. the person may cheat mi now... but GOD is watching...

unfruitful day

2005-06-07T22:13:00.000+08:00

this is the shortest eva... i di nuthin much today. i slept thru the day... n i hv a big feeling im not gonna fall aslp tonite (again)..someone tell mi mind to rest please.

buildin mi life again

2005-06-06T22:37:00.000+08:00

title sound as though i goin thru a difficult time in life... well i m... hmm... i hv to learn to get back to normal instead of being depressed everyday.. as if being cooped up at home wasn't enough.. well went out with mi fren isma to buy mi sista bday present.. well i gt her a mp3.. n well mi pocket gt hole liao spent on that thing... she better b thankful n appreciate mi fer getting her that ting.. she loves songs aniway... n schl is a long journey fer her... well she still better appreciate mi... im officially broke.. haiz.. how money flies..hmm... well nuthing much aniway.. the same..
i wonder hows mi fren getting on in nuh... GOD DO BLESS HIM FER A SPEEDY RECOVERY...

birthdays...

2005-06-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

well mi dear lanlan bday yesterday...had loads of fun...met them after church.. sadly mi stupid sandals kept biting mi!! lucki mi mi frens brought the plasters..wen mit them we went to hunt her present n eventualli bought her a jacket she wanted to buy las time at u2.. so we after she came ... we pretend to go shoppin n brought her into u2 n asked her wat she tink bout the jacket.. she gv us heart attack.. she say she dun reali like it.. so all of us panic n ask her to try skirts.. and after deciding on a skirt we had to kip passing her clothes to make her kip trying the clothes... u noe y... cuz we need to stall her in the dressing cubicle while the others swapped the jacket bought earlier to the skirt... wekept passing her clothes n she nagged that she's tired of trying the clothes.. n the sales assisstant told us not to hog the cubicle cuz there's a queue formin... ya a long 1 hehe... well the swap was done..then we watched a movie... the five children and it..a very sweet movie... then we were sittin at mac n waiting fer 1 more fren wen grace accidentally blurted out the secret... we were cutting her cake at swensens... meant to be suprise.. well i gt irritated n made noise..n she seemed guilty..n looked as if she gonna cry... but she kept saying no... haiz then i felt guilty fer makin her wan to cry.. hmmm... then while waiting to be seated at swensens.. grace n joyce bought her a g- string i happily asked them to get a red one hehe... we put it in a bag... then after cutting the cake .. we asked to close her eyes n take it out... wen she took it out we snapped fotos n she sort of shocked.. hehe... n gt alot of glares 4rm the ppl there eating at swensens.. kaypos. then eat the cake not filling ah... so mi n asmah ordered rodeo wings.. which were yummy by the way.. lanlan had deep fried mushrooms n joyce n grace ordered fries.. well first tings first the service at swensens sucked big time.... our food was there except fer the fries.. n they waited fer almost 30 mins plus leh!! joyce gt so angry she scloded the manager... n well well wat do u noehe rushed out the fries n gave a 10 percent discount... but we still wrote a bad feedback.. their service reali sucked mah! then we makan liao.. rush home.. reach home late ah.. ah well hu cares .. i dun do it oways...i had fun though.. after a long long time...

finalli!!! i saw the sun again..

2005-06-02T23:05:00.000+08:00

ya.. like being cooped up at home was ever fun.. staying at home was so damn boring... n i was goin crazy with mua brain workin overtime.. thanks to mi dearest best fren hu was free... thank you v much isma.. we went out.. gt mi sis bday present n went back to tmp to watch a movie... n bought a skirt.. its so long since i like wore a skirt... i tink im gonna wear it on lanlan bday gathering.. well at least i went out today n smell the air again... gd to be out again.... well mi dear fren at nuh.. confirmed diagnosis that its a cerebral abscess n well the brain is pretty much infected with leakage of fluid to the brain surroundings.. so right now they r tryin to find out wers the leak.. well at least he can eat fer the past two days.. apart frm the icp wen sit up too long n standing he can still tok a little now n then... PRAISE THE LORD.. at least now we noe wats goin on.. i hope he recovers fast... 1 mth hospitalisation more... haiz hope time pass fast... i pray that God will work his miracles...yet again.

boring......

2005-06-01T19:51:00.000+08:00

its sos so boring... im dying in boredom.. sitting at home is suffocating mi along wid all the other things bothering mi in mi mind.. ppl at home sleeping is mi past time but seriously i do that to run away frm thinking of mi problems...its the best.. slp n it will disappear that is until i wake up...now i dread sitting at home cuz all the more im free n think nonsense.. if at least im out i do things i tend not to think too much.. well mi frens do hv a life of their own n i can't possibly impose on them... everybody is busy...i.. i dun wan to go out with any fren i hv cuz they will ask mi hows life n some questions i dun wan to ans them fer time being..haiz.. fer now sit at home n rot i guess.. gr8 way to spent mi holiday.. well i made plans to actually kip mi holidays busy.. but im in no mood to enjoy all that with a fren in hospital.. i prefer to jus lie low though i noe i can't be doing this 4eva..i dunnoe... i will survive.. i need time... we'll c wer this goes.. chao.

y mz ppl fall sick

2005-05-31T22:51:00.000+08:00

a very dear fren of mine... having brain infection.. haiz.. i feel sad that im not able to help.. suffering in the headache, weakness, nausea , no appetite, n can't hv bright light n hear loud sounds.. i really dunnnoe how to help.. the stupid lumbar punture results not back yet.... i dunnoe the possibilities might b cerebral abscess, or it could be some spinal cord damage cz all the symptoms round up arnd ther... n the only cause factor v have is that mi fren had a bad fall rit eon the head... i dunnoe wats gonna happen rite now.. but things are not looking good currently... i hope everythingk goes al rite.. i dun think i wan to c a critically ill fren or death.. no thanks.. i won't be able to handle that...God bless mi dear fren...muz get well

flu bug n money

2005-05-25T19:39:00.000+08:00

i v sad..... i gt the blady flu!!!! n its here again!!! every mth kena flu... y like that... aiya n i wanna go tekka makan tmrw... how to taste the food with the sense of smell n taste gone!!! bugger! tmrw gonna mit mi once upon a time dance grp to get together n makan... n secretly celebrate mi frens bday..hm... yuck the thick pleghm in mi throat stuck n not comin out... i noe ppl hus reading are goin gross...ppl b realistic.. u noe ol this happen wen ur sick.. haiz... oh ya!!! i GOT B+ FOR MI ATTACHMENT RESULT.....woohoo... so happy.. never expect to do so well.. like v rarely.... so irritated.. i spose to mit mi dear frens on fri n they push it to next wk.. wanna beat em up... oways say mit then push to other time...monkeys... n so irritating wen ppl go missing n dun kol u....mi hp bill like shit as always... n this mth i gt 4 bday present to spent on... so basically this mth i caan't shop!!!!N I ACTUALLI WAS WAITING FER PAY SO I CAN SHOP!! c la... life sucks.. no money no fun...n making money oso no fun...hais... n if making money for fun... no time for fun .... y like that...i suppose to mit mi malay frens to watch movie, n goin jurong bird park wid another...im broke..how... well somethings gotta give...

bored as usual

2005-05-21T22:23:00.000+08:00

wow... today i was much more productive than usual.. i actuali cooked n washed mi clothes.. i went to trim mi hair but god noes how she cut it .. makes no diff.. mcm waste mi money... n i din go church today ( again)... a mth liao... so lazy to go... god will be thinking that i oni appear wen i m in trouble n need his help.. hehe well wen i din go fer years...wen i had a problem that's wen i went back to church n wen wkly faithfully. well i became lazy.. nxt wk mz go..waa... now holiday i kip[ eating like pig... hmm... today i ate ramly burger n otah otah... now stomach ache... so humid.. wat weather is this.. so bored.. im broke.. can't shop, can't go out.. haiz.. waiting fer pay.. i dun care! im gonna shop n enjoy mi holidays.. before i start work... hmm.. n go broke all over again.. somethings juz dun change does it.

chalet chalet

2005-05-15T12:10:00.000+08:00

wow...... mi body is aching...well there was mi class chalet on the 13th may to 15th may at pasir ris costasands... sadly the ppl at the bbq were those hu organized + some of the gals bf.. so irritating wen ppl say they r coming but dun turn up claiming they r bz n stuff.. haiz ppl... but it was fun.. the first we check in.. n guess wat wen i stepped out of the taxi i saw this stupid fella i din wan to c... i juz ignored him while he kept looking.. nonsense..
we put all our stuff away... then we started to marinate the chicken... well i did the honours of mixing it...then i had to do the next disgusting job... clear the intestines of the fish... man!! i never do it at home.. but well it's juz us n some1 had to do it... well at the end mi n mi frens smelled like fishmongers.. then we go jalan jalan n shop fer shorts.. wer i gt a kol 4rm a brudder of mine...which oni gave mi stress.. i was oready stressed wit many things n now that... haiz mi mood to cheong totalli went off man... so pressured... eventualli we all took a bath n got all dressed up n went out... n yet another kol wich add more stress... sianz.. in the end i left early... i feel so sad that i din enjoy wid mi frens that nite... but sometimes u juz can't force urself to b happy n enjoy..the next day i woke up all early n took bus 21 to the chalet... sadly im such a smart ass i took the bus at the wrong side of the road n oni realised wen i saw geylang.. damn!!! i gt down n looked desperately fer an atm machine n i oni found 1 but damn it was out of service... feel like killin miself.. y i so stupid!! eventuali i work all over the place n found an atm... may b god noes i was having a shitty morning.. so the moment i gt to the road there was a taxi.thank God. wen i reach ther guess wat.. all the monkeyz juz woke up n it was oready 10 plus..girls.. eventualli i gt mi breakfast n we were all slackin n watchin tv n they were telling mi all bout the previous nite.. i wish i cld hv been there.. oh n we went cyling fer 1 hr... n thanks to mi dear fren asmah mi butt hurts... i can't cycle so obviously i went doubles with her... she din realise there was a big branch in the way wen she turned the cycle n guess wat our butts hit hard on the seat n then we almost fell... but it was fun.. then we bbq the food... eat.. n mi fav part was at nite.. we went n bought bubbles .. we went to the baby pool.. stand in it n blow bubbles... so romantic haiz.... haiz... n wen it was time to go home the gals walk mi to take a cab... n apple started crying... n i dunnoe y... well we all r gonna miz each other.. im not crying yet cuz i noe i still hv abita of time n i definitely will mit the gals up b4 i start work..well dats life.. frens come n go..n not many stay.. hu will be still in contact ten years 4rm now .. realli hard to say.. everybody will hv their own lives... including mi..but i definitely enjoyed this chalet the most.. but the next time round im not going to hold all the money.. its tiring to look after all the financial issues..

2005-05-07T14:39:00.000+08:00

man.... after so long mi comp n net is working again.. yipee!! hehe.. well a sat i m shockinly sitting at home n not goin out... today goin to rain sia.. well so wat hv i been up to.. well i hv officially finished mi attachment... starting mi work as a staff nurse on 13 june.. so fast ah!!! n wow i had the director of nursing tok to mi in ward n sister was so happy that i put up a gd front.. oni wat problem ...i din tie up mi hair... feel like cutting mi hair...aiya...... i dun wan to start work... n wel well wat do i hv.. mi kaypo parents looking at mi typing away hahaha....n now i wanna upload mi fotos bt mi scanner nt working rite now.. arrr.... n i m black in colour after goin to east coast.. part time nigro fer now... so dark.. n wit all min skin peeling.. eeee.. im disgusted.. ya la hu ask mi itchy backside dun put sunscreen... hmmm mother's day tmrw... i got mi mum a handbag n she actualli liked it.. hehe... y isit we oni show our love to our mum on mother's day n forget bout her after...humans... well that includes me as well... i noe i can b one lazy rebellious daughter... bt well i appreciate mi mum... she how angry oso still put food on the table fer mi n washes mi clothes n buys mi chocolates hehe... sometimes i feel so bad... well i will change.. eventually... well later we are gon go out khalsa to eat as a family.. something not done fer a long while.. i feel like shopping... bt i better stay hme tmrw la...yesterday wen i went to schl to return mi clinical diary i realised how much i miss the place... haiz.... next time im goin there will b during graduation....time pass so fast... 6 wks of attachment over... 5 weeks of holiday then i hv to function as a staff nurse... can i not start yet?? worried bout the future oready....

cheeky cheeky mi

2005-04-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

well but i forgot to say something... man !! this dr. nair is so damn cute...i won't exactly say he's handsome.. he has a very stern iron face but wen he smiles well well he looks cute.. no im not intrested... juz well admire him..hehehe c la like thiz oso i wan to add in..haiya but not mi ward doctor la.. WASTED!! he juz missed noe'in a gd soul.. MI!! ppl dun puke k i wan to get back to mi hokkien me la chao.

complainz....

2005-04-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

haiz i oready noe i have a pt. complain bout mi but din expect sista to actuali address it today.this patient of mine complain that i din show any respect. i did not tell b4 taking her bp n pulse n wen she had asked mi for a tissue paper she said i threw a vomit bag on her table instead... seriously... if she wanted a tissue i wld hv given it to her.. y m i gonna trouble miself to the prep rm n go get a vomit bag n waste mi time.. as far as im comcerned normali i ALWAYS tell mi patients b4 i do anithing to then be it bp n pulse.. so i dunnoe y this came up.. n its obvious ywat a vomit bag is for..y m i gonna gv it to her unless she needs it.. worst of all i can't recall which patient isit...in the end sister showed it to mi lecturer ms kamala n well she toked to mi.. i expected speeches n naggins but well it was juz a talk n she said mayb its mi body language... wat a ridiculous complain... haiz.. mz b more careful.. sianz..yesterday i had a lost imr..thank god we found it but was in a diff ward..well i gt home today oni at 10.45 pm after passing report..had mi bath n now eating hokkien mee , drinkin orange juice n typin this at the same time.. waa the weather so hot man!! haiz... tmrw muz wake up earli..gtg fer medical checkup fer all bonded students... well im gonna eat finish n go slp.. so tired...

3yrs like 3 mins

2005-04-23T17:18:00.000+08:00

man time pass damn fast!! mi frens n i were sposed to mit today but unfortunately im forced to attend an aunts bday..seriously wat the heck m i gonna do there.. so boring..haiz..well will b goin later on .. so sadly can't mit mi frens n i think the person hu is most disappointed is mi dear fren asmah... we were like suppose to mit so mant times n oways gt cancellled... i miss that monkey. we oways lyke to argue n neither one of us will gv in to each other.. well its a capricorn thing..but we noe its juz fer fun.. hmm.. 3yrs of skool OVER... been in attachment fer a mth now n time passed so fast.. i mizz ma gal frens.. hv not seen them fer a mth.. except fer jasmine.. happy that we're in the same ward at least i noe im not gonna lose contact wid her yet.. grace popped mi a happy news.. she is already accepted by CGH n iz gonna b a staff ther comin july..im starting in mid june.. 2 more weeks to end of attachment then holidays... after wich im a fully pledged SGH staff.. time definitely doesn't wait fer anione..mi sec days are still fresh in mi mind.. i feel like i juz joined nyp n the 3 yrs course iz juz bout over..all the good moments and bad.. the fun, joy, arguments, fights , tears and love.. we allw atched each other grow up in the 3 yrs... grace the quiet gal become someone chatty n cheeky thanks to mi n jas influence , vivian b more outspoken , lanlan 4eva tok out of topic bt a v hardworkin gal.jas.. well she's the same.. shld become a dietician..mi.. well become much noisier n definitely cheekier..hey its healthy to b cheeky u noe.. hehe..n learnt alot of valuable lessons.. be it to be a bttr person or a nurse... tings were learnt.. n within this 3 yrs i learnt alot of hu can b trusted n hu can't b.. hu are mi frens n hu were pretending to b mi frens.. we all became close within this 3 yrs but well i dunnoe if it will b the same wen we part our ways to the working world.. r things gonna b the same?? well as fer now juz treasure our times spent with each other n hv loads and loads of fun..n well hopefully we kip those sweet memories of our schooling days n may we never forget each other... i love n miss mi dear frens even in this moment.. ASMAH , GRACE , JASMINE , LANLAN AND VIVIAN, mengjie mi buddy , indhu n kossi mi dance mates hu gave a rocking performance together with mi during nurse's day.. n ol mi other frens hu laughed to tears with mi... man i miss mi frens.. y does time hv to pass that fast?? can i go back in time to relive these moments again? I THANK OL MI FRENS HU WERE THERE FER MI THRUOUT THIS 3 YEARS DURING MI HAPPINESS AND SADNESS... THANK U..
i will ALWAYS hold on to those special moments n time i had in mi life..
Thank GOD fer mi precious frens i was given...well.... rite now i gtg bathe n go to that bday.. man i wish i was out instead..

future...leave me out of it..

2005-04-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

n im juz starting out... year 3.. the time we hv so much of pressure... gonna pass put soon in mid june n i still feel like idiot... so many things to learn n im goin mad... lucky most of mi staff r those hu are willin to teach man.. but mi basics r nt firm.. so how m i gonna b a staff nurse?? i worried sia... still blur bout the way arnd sgh..haiz...alot of things im unsure.. im juz worried i can't make it..to b a gd staff nurse... look at mi.. a person hu makes ppl laugh n encourage ppl, gettin scared...man i am scared bout the future...can i b 1 year old again?? mi frens all in diff ward... how r we gonna eva mit up again?? i neva expected 3 yrs to pass this fast.. n yes i enjoyed mi schooling days...the good n the bad wich made me hu i m now...sometimes i wished i studied sometin else instead..bt i come so far..too late to back out.hiaz.. but rite now mi biggest worry...workin as a staff nurse n mi biggest question... m i up to it?? only future will tell mi..

funerals...

2005-04-17T16:39:00.000+08:00

last nite i gt a msg 4rm mi fren saying her sis in law had pass away...well she was sick fer a long time... but i din expect her to pass on... so young oni in her 30s.. one son oni in pri 4 ...wen i attended the funeral the place was filled wid ppl crying n mourning... even i miself cried...
looking at all these sometimes i juz wonder how little we appreciate n trasure the ppl arnd us...alot of times we neglect em.. all forgetting that one day we might lose them n wat r v gonna do then.. no point sitting down n regretting fer ol those things u did or did not do..cuz the person's not there animore...i agree even i m 1 of them.. neglecting mi family alot of times... y do we wait fer em to fall ill or go to dying state then show the love?? y not do it while we r healthy n fine?? cuz its oni wen something happens to our loved one wen we start feeling afraid that we might lose em...i hope i can do wat i say... show love to all ur loved ones n nvr neglect em.. cuz its too late to do all this wen they r gone.....
treasure ur life n others....
God Bless My Family n Frens.~

i wish...

2005-04-16T20:57:00.000+08:00

i wish i did not fall sick
cuz if i din fall sick i won't hv to makeup duty... if it ws a nice staff i was workin with it would be a diff story... man!! mi s.n. sucked... n so a day spoiled wid no mood to work.. juz counting down to 3p.m. juz to end ma shift n get mi ass home to the four walls i hv to c..mi mum "sang a song"wen i asked if i cld go out.again ol bcz wen im nt feelin well i hv to stay hme.. do i hv a say...so im rottin at home wid basically nuthin much to do.unbelievable..bt yes 2 weeks of mi saturdays i stayed home n din go aniwer.. wah.. break record.;)
haiz.. wan 2 enjoy oso cannot.. mayb God c that im goin out too much n nvr at home that's y he make mi sick so i go home evriday...sometimes i juz get so tired of life that i juz wanna lock miself in a room n do nuthin bt slp..slp till im not tired animore..nt gonna happen though...
ºóª therefore in conclusion i wish i was not sick...

i wan 2 go out!

2005-04-16T18:22:00.000+08:00

I wan to go out....!!! im rottin here... hu ask mi fall sick! now c la mi 2 sat burned jus looking at sick patients.... like i dun have enuf of it on wkdays... mi day sucked ;(